IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

SOME PEOPLE CLAIM THAT MEDIA HAS A NEGATIVE INFLUENCE ON CONTEMPORARY SOCIETY. THEY THINK THAT THERE IS VERY LITTLE TOLERANCE FOR NEW IDEAS BECAUSE OF ITS IMPACT. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS OPINION ?

In today's trend,
people
Use synonyms
 think that the press is a bad influence on modern communities, as it has no resilience towards bright ideas. I disagree, with
this
Linking Words
 and I shall put forth my opinion, in the following paragraphs.
Media
Use synonyms
 is a source where
information
Use synonyms
 is collected and displayed for viewers. Most
people
Use synonyms
 are dependent on news channels or newspapers for collective
information
Use synonyms
. The first thing one does after waking up
watches
Wrong verb form
is watch
show examples
 the news or read a newspaper. For ages, we have been dependent on
this
Linking Words
 source of
information
Use synonyms
 which helps
people
Use synonyms
 educate themselves on the current situations in the country and globally.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
media
Use synonyms
 is a platform which influences society and the public interest of the
people
Use synonyms
. With the developing technology, there are various platforms where
information
Use synonyms
 is sourced out to
people
Use synonyms
 like social
media
Use synonyms
 platforms, blogs, etc.,
In addition
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 communication by the press protects the interest of society giving
people
Use synonyms
 a voice to raise their concerns,
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 keeping a check on current political affairs. It creates awareness and educates
people
Use synonyms
 on the various atrocities that occur in one's country and around the world.
However
Linking Words
, the influence of
such
Linking Words
 news is dependent on
people
Use synonyms
 and
such
Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
 is available everywhere like the internet.
For instance
Linking Words
, most students read newspapers and
this
Linking Words
 helps them curate bright ideas, job seekers look for work opportunities,
besides
Linking Words
 there is a column for
people
Use synonyms
 to send across their ideas and articles which raises an opinion in the minds of
people
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the use of resources available is completely dependent on the user, it is necessary that the
information
Use synonyms
 is verified before having an opinion.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
media
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in shaping the minds of
people
Use synonyms
,
in other words
Linking Words
, they're the voice of democracy which gives
people
Use synonyms
 the right to
such
Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear, but the thesis statement can be more direct. Instead of saying 'I disagree, with this and I shall put forth my opinion, in the following paragraphs,' consider a more straightforward thesis like 'I believe the media plays a crucial role in shaping society positively rather than negatively.'
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For example, the second paragraph can start with a more explicit linking phrase to connect it to the introduction, like 'Firstly, the media is a significant source of information...'
relevant specific examples
While there are some good points, they could be expanded with more specific examples and evidence. For example, mention specific instances where the media has positively influenced society or fostered new ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the conclusion summarizes the main points more clearly. Restate the main argument that media has a positive influence on contemporary society and the specific reasons why you believe this.
supported main points
The essay maintains a consistent focus on the topic and offers a clear opinion.
logical structure
There is a reasonable range of vocabulary and grammatical structures used, contributing to coherence.
complete response
The essay acknowledges the role of media in educating and influencing public opinion, which is relevant to the task.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: