IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

SOME PEOPLE CLAIM THAT MEDIA HAS A NEGATIVE INFLUENCE ON CONTEMPORARY SOCIETY. THEY THINK THAT THERE IS VERY LITTLE TOLERANCE FOR NEW IDEAS BECAUSE OF ITS IMPACT. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS OPINION ?

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In today's trend,
people
Use synonyms
 think that the press is a bad influence on modern communities, as it has no resilience towards bright ideas. I disagree, with
this
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 and I shall put forth my opinion, in the following paragraphs.
Media
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 is a source where
information
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 is collected and displayed for viewers. Most
people
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 are dependent on news channels or newspapers for collective
information
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. The first thing one does after waking up
watches
Wrong verb form
is watch
show examples
 the news or read a newspaper. For ages, we have been dependent on
this
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 source of
information
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 which helps
people
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 educate themselves on the current situations in the country and globally.
Nevertheless
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,
media
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 is a platform which influences society and the public interest of the
people
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. With the developing technology, there are various platforms where
information
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 is sourced out to
people
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 like social
media
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 platforms, blogs, etc.,
In addition
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,
such
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 communication by the press protects the interest of society giving
people
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 a voice to raise their concerns,
while
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also
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 keeping a check on current political affairs. It creates awareness and educates
people
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 on the various atrocities that occur in one's country and around the world.
However
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, the influence of
such
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 news is dependent on
people
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 and
such
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information
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 is available everywhere like the internet.
For instance
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, most students read newspapers and
this
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 helps them curate bright ideas, job seekers look for work opportunities,
besides
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 there is a column for
people
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 to send across their ideas and articles which raises an opinion in the minds of
people
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.
To conclude
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,
while
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 the use of resources available is completely dependent on the user, it is necessary that the
information
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 is verified before having an opinion.
Moreover
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, the
media
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 plays a vital role in shaping the minds of
people
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,
in other words
Linking Words
, they're the voice of democracy which gives
people
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 the right to
such
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information
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.

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introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear, but the thesis statement can be more direct. Instead of saying 'I disagree, with this and I shall put forth my opinion, in the following paragraphs,' consider a more straightforward thesis like 'I believe the media plays a crucial role in shaping society positively rather than negatively.'
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For example, the second paragraph can start with a more explicit linking phrase to connect it to the introduction, like 'Firstly, the media is a significant source of information...'
relevant specific examples
While there are some good points, they could be expanded with more specific examples and evidence. For example, mention specific instances where the media has positively influenced society or fostered new ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the conclusion summarizes the main points more clearly. Restate the main argument that media has a positive influence on contemporary society and the specific reasons why you believe this.
supported main points
The essay maintains a consistent focus on the topic and offers a clear opinion.
logical structure
There is a reasonable range of vocabulary and grammatical structures used, contributing to coherence.
complete response
The essay acknowledges the role of media in educating and influencing public opinion, which is relevant to the task.
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