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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many experts have noted that people in modern society do not exercise often. What is a cause and solution to this problem ?

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Some argue that
people
Use synonyms
 do not
work
Use synonyms
 out these days. There are several reasons why
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is occurring, and there are some solutions to tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue.
To begin
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 with, there are several causes why
people
Use synonyms
 these days rarely
work
Use synonyms
 out. First of all, the rapid development of technology is one of the reasons.
People
Use synonyms
 no longer go outside because they do not need to.
For example
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,
people
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 can do everything inside their house by using their smartphones,
such
Linking Words
 as online shopping, delivery applications and more.
Due to
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this
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 trend,
people
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 tend to stay inside more and more, leading to the still culture.
In addition
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, facilities for exercising cost a huge amount of money in modern society. Even if they want to exercise in a decent place, they have to pay a significant amount of fees solely for working out.
This
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 may cause individuals to lose their motivation
in exercising
Change preposition
to exercise
show examples
 regularly.
Nevertheless
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, there are several ways to alleviate
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Firstly
Linking Words
, governments and authorities should educate the public about the importance and effects of exercising.
The active
Correct article usage
Active
show examples
 education can be of great help to not only increase the awareness of exercising but
also
Linking Words
 engage in working out.
Moreover
Linking Words
, governments may launch a campaign, leveraging the influence of celebrities.
For instance
Linking Words
, if famous celebrities participate in a campaign which encourages
people
Use synonyms
 to
work
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 out,
people
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 are inclined to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
work
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 out just to follow them by watching them on their social media.
In other words
Linking Words
, celebrities’ influence serves as a means of encouragement for
people
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 to actively
exercising
Wrong verb form
exercise
show examples
 on a daily basis. In conclusion, it is imperative for
people
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 out regularly for the sake of their health.
Therefore
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, governments and authorities must try their best to encourage
people
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 to
work
Use synonyms
 out and enhance awareness.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. This could make your argument flow better and increase reader engagement.
task achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, expand the range of examples and support your ideas with more detailed evidence. This helps to create a more convincing and comprehensive argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to add interest and complexity to your writing. This can also help to clearly demonstrate your language skills.
coherence cohesion
You provided a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids in the overall understanding of your argument.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing the cause and solution to the lack of exercise in modern society, showing a good understanding of the task requirements.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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