IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #type #benefit
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The debate about the appropriate
age
Use synonyms
 for retirement is still witnessed worldwide. Some assume that implementing equal
age
Use synonyms
 for retiring is not fair with ignoring their jobs' difficulty, and hold
this
Linking Words
 view that the range of
age
Use synonyms
 should be flexible, especially for occupations which are done physically under hard circumstances
as well as
Linking Words
 preparing an accommodation for these workers. I tend to entirely agree with
this
Linking Words
 which will be described in the following essay. After the Industrial Revolution, most businesses behave with their clerk as machines.
This
Linking Words
 behaviour is still without substantial change in some types of professions,
such
Linking Words
 as miners.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, insurance institutions which should pay their salary after retiring defend against decreasing the retirement
age
Use synonyms
 to avoid losing their assets.
Additionally
Linking Words
, workers who work 20 years in a mine and/or with dangerous materials like
X-Ray
Correct your spelling
X-rays
show examples
, will suffer from not only physical issues but
also
Linking Words
 mental problems, which lead to unemployment at an early
age
Use synonyms
 (
for example
Linking Words
 less than 50). Apart from the expenses of payments, which should be shouldered by the government and owners of businesses, some strict rules should be passed by authorities to ensure that these types of employment that can be served extra ages (with free taxes and insurance) are considered in their decisions. Considering the inflation, housing has turned into a new phenomenon. Seldom can well-paid workers afford suitable accommodation. Many believe that
this
Linking Words
 disability refers to mismanagement of the authorities. They opine that if the governments had considered housing as a primary need of their natives, the elderly people would not struggle with
this
Linking Words
 today. In conclusion, I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 subject that the
age
Use synonyms
 of retirement depends on the profession and work conditions.
However
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 not until the insurance institutions control the power in a society is it difficult to enforce
this
Linking Words
 will.
Submitted by mortezashamsa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your main points, especially with regard to the impact of early retirement on workers in physically demanding jobs.
logical structure
Consider using linking words more effectively to enhance the flow between different sections of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents your stance and outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay effectively discusses both the physical and mental challenges faced by workers in demanding professions, showing thoughtful consideration of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion reinforces your position and ties the essay together effectively, leaving a strong final impression.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: