IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #business #contact #countries #effects #loss #identities
Issues related to
business
 and cultural cooperation among
countries
 are frequently discussed these days. Some
people
 believe that there are many positive developments from cooperating with other
countries
 in terms of
business
 and culture,
while
 others think that
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
show examples
 to be negative effects in case the identity of a nation is lost. In the following paragraphs, both of these viewpoints will be examined before a conclusion is reached. On the one hand, it is undeniable that
business
 cooperation between
countries
 can increase dramatically economic growth.
In other words
, when a nation's economy is developed, the country has a huge income, and as a ,result the government can improve fundamental factors for their
people
such
 as transportation, infrastructure, and health care centres,
as well as
people
 having a good quality of life.
Additionally
, traditional and cultural exchange will be supplemented the personal development which implement ideas and technologies from foreign
countries
 to boost potential humans.
On the other hand
, many
people
 are concerned that
this
 cooperation can lead to the loss of national identity. To explain, there are many significant drawbacks to the partnership of
business
 and culture
such
 as marriage ideas. Take Thailand
for example
, a wedding before living together as spouse and wife is an identity of Thai culture.
This
 idea might be changed when having contact with
people
 in different
countries
. In conclusion, even though the two opinions have both benefits and drawbacks, I strongly believe that the advantages of
this
 argument outweigh the disadvantages
due to
 the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 mentioned above.
Submitted by pt.pinyapat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay does not fully respond to the prompt. It lacks a clear discussion of both views and the writer's opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay shows some coherence in its structure, but improvement is needed in the use of linking words and the overall flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • economic growth
  • cultural homogenization
  • national identity
  • cultural diversity
  • international trade
  • investment opportunities
  • tolerance
  • cultural preservation
  • traditional values
  • global influence
  • cultural dilution
What to do next:
Look at other essays: