IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Seint Naychi Oo: Do you believe that professional athletes make good role models for young people? Support your opinion with reasons and examples from your own knowledge-edge or experience. Koko : bby

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 state that professional
athletes
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 are a good
example
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 for the young generation. I fully disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion, because professional
athletes
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 are not the universal
example
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 for young
people
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 in general and
additionally
Linking Words
sportsmen
Use synonyms
 are just simple
people
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 with good and bad behaviour in different situations. First of all, I believe that all kinds of
sportsmen
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 including
athletes
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 make good
role
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 models only for
people
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, who want to become a sportsman in the future.
In other words
Linking Words
, each job and even each
role
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 in society require a different set of knowledge and soft skills.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is evident that professional
athletes
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 can not provide a good
example
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 for a person, whose aim is to be an excellent parent. At the same time, for the pupils in
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 schools
athletes
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 could become far more inspiring than any other person.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a good
role
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model
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 doesn't consist only of professional achievements. It almost always includes some personal
sportsmen
Use synonyms
's features and behaviour in daily life. Unfortunately, some
athletes
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 with amazing wins and with
Add an article
a
the
show examples
huge
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of medals do awful things.
For
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example
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, there were some reports when famous
sportsmen
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 left their families and have not helped with their children later. What I mean, it is a very difficult task to separate the professional life of
athletes
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 and their personal life. In conclusion, I am convinced that the
role
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model
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, which is based on professional
athletes
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' achievements and behaviour, is not the best
role
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model
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 for children and teens. In my opinion that
this
Linking Words
role
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model
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 is too narrow and
moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
role
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model
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 ignores that professional
athletes
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 are not only strong
sportsmen
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 without all disadvantages.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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