IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

#internet #books #air #tickets #groceries
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Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 buy things like stationaries, airfare and other home items
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online, which is undeniably on-trend. I would argue that
although
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this
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 may predispose to serious physical problems to
people
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,
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however
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,however
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 the convenience and
time
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 it saves outweigh
it's
Replace the word
its
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 disadvantages. It cannot be denied that the advancement of technology
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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alleviate
Change the verb form
alleviates
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 the life of many
people
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. Albeit, the lack of physical activity can cause
a debilitating
Correct the article-noun agreement
debilitating health issues
a debilitating health issue
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health
Use synonyms
 issues since a person will be no longer physically active.
According to
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 studies
of
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by
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American
Correct article usage
the American
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health
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 association towards the effect of
internet
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the internet
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 on
on
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apply
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human
health
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, 85% of
people
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 are purchasing online, 35% develop obesity that some
Unnecessary verb
apply
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had
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tohad
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 develop diseases because of their inactivity
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 accounted
to
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for
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 premature deaths. Even though the negative effect is alarming but the positive contribution to
the
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apply
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society is more variable.
Although
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 I acknowledge the merit of the cons,
Linking Words
however
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,however
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 the extent of the pros is invaluable for two
reason
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reasons
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, convenience, anywhere
at
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in
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you
Correct pronoun usage
your
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 own comfort with the help of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 and a tap of
the
Correct article usage
a
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 button, orders can
be place
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be placed
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 and
deliver
Wrong verb form
delivered
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 at your own
peace
Correct your spelling
pace
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.
Furthermore
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, it saves
time
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, rather than
go
Wrong verb form
going
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 around and
look
Wrong verb form
looking
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 for the things needs at home like buying groceries
,
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apply
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 and commuting to
other place
Change the wording
another place
other places
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 to get the book you wanted or booked
a
Change the article
an
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 air ticket, these all efforts and
long
Add an article
a long
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time
Use synonyms
 can
be save
Change the verb form
be saved
show examples
 and divert to
other important event
Change the wording
another important event
other important events
show examples
 in your life
such
Linking Words
 as spending quality
time
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 with your children, spouse or partner. In conclusion, I would argue that the advantages of online buying outweigh the disadvantages.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 I recognized the effects on human
health
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, the convenience and the
time
Use synonyms
 you can spend on another important thing in life
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 priceless.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • time-saving
  • wide selection
  • competitive prices
  • discounts
  • accessibility
  • global marketplace
  • availability
  • fraud
  • scams
  • lack of
  • physical interaction
  • personal experience
  • impersonal
  • customer service
  • delays
  • delivery
  • return process
What to do next:
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