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Young people spend their free time in shopping malls. This has a negative effect on young people and society. To what extent do you agree?

#people #time #malls #effect #society
It is undeniable that nowadays
youngsters
 use their spare time in malls, which is believed to affect negatively individuals and the community. I partially agree with
such
 a point of view because even though
this
 type of leisure activity enables
youngsters
 to set up new relationships,
this
 behaviour can harm youths’ academic performance. On the one hand, having leisure
activities
such
 as strolls in the
mall
 creates an atmosphere that helps boys and girls to strengthen bonds, as it enables unique special moments
while
 teens enjoy cinema, arcade and other
activities
 offered in
this
 place,
therefore
,
such
 experience brings memorable moments that are paramount in relationships.
For example
, it is known that when
youngsters
 go to a shopping
mall
 to share positive experiences with their family and friends, they will feel able to trust their ties, which leads to a more confident and strengthened bond.
On the other hand
, spending many hours inside malls
instead
 of doing some school
activities
 can probably affect teens’ knowledge and grades at school, because
this
 behaviour can easily distract
youngsters
 from study preparation,
consequently
, they will be affected in their adult achievements.
For instance
, it has been proven that 5 out of 10 teenagers in Brazil are not capable
to conclude
Change preposition
of concluding
show examples
 the school year after have poor educational achievements, because of the lack of preparation caused by the period spent in a shopping
mall
, which will probably result in an unemployed and non-qualified employer.
To conclude
, I do believe that even though spending time doing some
mall
activities
 can be useful in relationships,
this
 type of leisure activity can jeopardize educational performance.
However
, a
such
 balance needs to be made individually, as each person has their own personality and perspectives on life.
Submitted by Nayara on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, but the logical structure of the essay could be improved for better coherence and cohesion. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, and use linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
Task Achievement
The response covers the main points of the question, but the ideas could be more fully developed and the argument could be more balanced. Provide a more comprehensive analysis of both the positive and negative effects of spending free time in shopping malls.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail outlets
  • consumerism
  • advertising
  • local businesses
  • neighborhood communities
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • socialize
  • amenities
  • economic growth
  • cultural homogenization
  • ecological footprint
  • entertainment
  • trends
  • brand loyalty
  • spending habits
  • mall culture
  • local shops
  • health implications
  • job opportunities
  • tourism
  • consumer debt
  • environmental impact
  • energy consumption
  • waste generation
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