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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It has been suggested that everyone in the world want to own a car, a TV and a fridge. Do you think disadvantage of such a development outweigh advantages?

#world #car #tv #fridge #development
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Nowadays, it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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has been said that all
people
Use synonyms
 have to own
households
Change the noun form
household
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 possessions,
such
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 as cars, TVs and refrigerators. Though, at face value,
this
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 might be seen as a
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
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 change, I believe
this
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 suggestion, for the most part,
disadvantageous
Add a missing verb
is disadvantageous
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.
Initially
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, it is essential to consider some possible upsides to
wide
Correct article usage
the wide
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 use of these items. First and foremost,
people
Use synonyms
 can indisputably increase their standards of living.
That is
Linking Words
,
as well as
Linking Words
 the number of
people
Use synonyms
 possessing these household goods
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
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, so does the likelihood of maintaining prosperous life.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
, resourcing themselves with these possessions; lessen their chances of facing hardships in the moments when they are needed, like not relying on
Correct article usage
a neighbor’s
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neighbor’s
Change the spelling
neighbour’s
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 car in emergency situations. Another benefit of
widespread
Correct article usage
the widespread
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 use of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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household items, relating
to
Change preposition
as
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 TVs and fridges, would be in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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 of producers of these appliances. From an economic perspective, extensive use of any item will result in a greater demand for production.
This
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 is likely to benefit manufacturers and other companies that rely on homeowners to buy their products,
thus
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ensuing
Correct your spelling
ensuring
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 better revenue. Despite the advantages mentioned above, I believe
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
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 of
this
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 trend are more significant. The chief problem is that greenfield sites would be depleted seeing as
the
Correct your spelling
they
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 need in order for cars to park. In
this
Linking Words
 sense, not only green
areas
Use synonyms
 will continue to be diminished, as urban
areas
Use synonyms
 proceed to sprawl, but it
also
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 leads to
exploitation
Correct article usage
the exploitation
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 of natural resources. Take Manhattan as an example, a surplus number of parking lots are ‘eating’ natural habitats, let alone
areas
Use synonyms
 for housing, which are being dwindled.
Secondly
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, energy-hungry appliances, especially TVs and fridges, require electricity to operate and more electricity will be needed, if these appliances were used widely.
In other words
Linking Words
, not all countries generate energy using renewable sources, which might
consequently
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 face financial and environmental problems. All in all,
while
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pros
Correct article usage
the pros
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 of
this
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 trend are worth considering, I would contend that problems resulting, like
shrinkage
Correct article usage
the shrinkage
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 of natural
areas
Use synonyms
 and feasible issues, far outstrip its positives.
Submitted by gulihabibullayeva6 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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