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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area fo britain. The table shows where the money come from and the charts show hoe it was distributed.

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area fo britain. The table shows where the money come from and the charts show hoe it was distributed.
#information #police #budget #area #fo #britain #money #show #hoe
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The table displays information about where were police
money
 income
while
 the pie charts illustrate how the budget was distributed in one area of Britain for 2017 and 2018.
Overall
, it can be seen that in both
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
,
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
 government was a major source of the
money
 income and employed salaries were the most proportion of
money
 spent. The total budgets
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 304.7
million
 and 318.6
million
 in 2017 and 2018 respectively. In 2017, the most income which came from the national government was 175.5
million
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 increased to 177.8
million
 in 2018. The local taxes, which were the second in both years, were 97.2
million
 in 2017 and dramatically rose to 102.3
million
 in 2018,
while
 other sources slightly remained the same. Turning to information about where
money
 was distributed, in 2017 and 2018, the figure for offers and staff salaries were the biggest, accounting for 75% and 69% respectively. The percentage of structure and vehicle payments remained the same at 17%
whereas
 the proportion of technology-paid increased from 8% in 2017 to 14% in 2018.
Submitted by vanil on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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