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Band 6.5

All university undergraduate courses should include a period of time spent studying abroad or doing a work placement. Do you think the advantages of this would outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
All undergraduate student courses should include an amount of time in a professional environment or studying abroad.
This
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 essay will discuss the benefits,
such
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 as a professional background, and the drawbacks, including the stress of working. Whilst acknowledging that there can be disadvantages, the essay will argue that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Body paragraph 1
Spending time in a professional environment can be an unforgettable experience.
For example
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, students can choose their dream job.
As a result
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, an undergraduate can reinforce their passion. Students can
also
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 create new contacts for potential future jobs.
On the other hand
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, by studying abroad, alumni can discover new cultures and possible new friends, which is a great experience too.
Although
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 a working placement has benefits, some people may have different opinions.
Body paragraph 2
Studying in another country can be difficult for some people.
For instance
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, an undergraduate who cannot afford housing, whether it is alone or in a colocation, is in difficulty. Regarding the fact that the university can help families with the problem, daily life can be expensive.
That is
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 why studying abroad can be a bad solution. Unfortunately, the placement can create stress , too. After experiencing a professional environment, some can develop a fear of work. Having some conflicts with managers or being tense about doing something wrong can create a lack of motivation for scholars.
Therefore
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,
this
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 disadvantage occurs in a minority of people .
Conclusion
To conclude
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,
although
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 some students can have a bad time spent at work or in another country, it is an unforgettable experience.
Hence
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, the positive effects of work placement outweigh the disadvantages.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start: work and study abroad should be part of all courses because the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Give fuller support for each main point. Explain how work skills, new contacts, and life in another country can help students after university.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. For example, say how a student in a hospital, school, or business may learn skills for a future job.
task response
Your point about money is useful, but explain why help from the university, paid work, or other support may make this problem less serious.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the first line of each main part state one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Join short ideas more smoothly. Instead of many very short sentences, use words such as because, so, however, and for example to show how ideas are linked.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for people. Use students or undergraduates, rather than changing to alumni or scholars, as these words do not mean the same thing.
coherence and cohesion
Make the final paragraph restate your main reasons: better job skills, contacts, and new life experience are stronger than cost and stress.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and clearly say that the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
You include useful ideas about future jobs, new contacts, new cultures, cost, and stress.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as For example, As a result, On the other hand, and Therefore.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • study abroad
  • work placement
  • real-world experience
  • practical skills
  • academic knowledge
  • open-minded
  • independent
  • self-confidence
  • adapt to change
  • career chances
  • cultural understanding
  • language skills
  • financial cost
  • family responsibilities
  • compulsory
  • flexible choice
  • personal growth
  • hands-on learning
  • future employer
  • equal opportunity
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