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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative

#children #hours #smartphones #case
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Many kids spent their daily
time
Use synonyms
 on
smartphones
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. I believe that there is a negative aspect and I would show how it is. Nowadays, world technologies have been developed for
easily
Change the adverb
easy
show examples
 use
which
Correct word choice
and
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 became
an essential equipment
Remove the article
essential equipment
a piece of essential equipment
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 in our routine use
such
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
smartphones
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, and tablets.
That is
Linking Words
 a reason why
children
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 are attached and spent their most of
time
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in
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apply
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every day on
smartphones
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. The negative aspect of using smart mobile phones in
children
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 would be a lack of real-life communication skills that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been a crucial ability when they grow up. If they spent their
time
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 only on
smartphones
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, they would have no
time
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 to talk to others and practice their speech with people. There could be affected when they are in working life and
this
Linking Words
 competency is important for doing
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 jobs.
For example
Linking Words
, on
Use synonyms
smartphones
Add a comma
,smartphones
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 kids would use just
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
see and listen to what they watch but they would not talk to real-life people and got feedback to increase their skills. In conclusion, the
smartphones
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 are simply reached by
children
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then
Linking Words
 there would be a reason why they apply the most
time
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 with. I would totally argue that there is a downsides aspect when
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
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 spent more
time
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 with these technologies
phones
Correct word choice
and phones
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 because they would drop their
competent
Replace the word
competence
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 to communicate with real-life people.
Submitted by vanil on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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