Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative

Many kids spent their daily

time

smartphones

. I believe that there is a negative aspect and I would show how it is. Nowadays, world technologies have been developed for

easily

Change the adverb

easy

show examples

use

which

Correct word choice

and

show examples

became

an essential equipment

Remove the article

essential equipment

a piece of essential equipment

show examples

in our routine use

such

Change preposition

apply

show examples

smartphones

, and tablets.

That is

a reason why

children

are attached and spent their most of

time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

every day on

smartphones

. The negative aspect of using smart mobile phones in

children

would be a lack of real-life communication skills that

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

been a crucial ability when they grow up. If they spent their

time

only on

smartphones

, they would have no

time

to talk to others and practice their speech with people. There could be affected when they are in working life and

this

competency is important for doing

them

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

jobs.

For example

, on

smartphones

Add a comma

,smartphones

show examples

kids would use just

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

see and listen to what they watch but they would not talk to real-life people and got feedback to increase their skills. In conclusion, the

smartphones

are simply reached by

children

then

there would be a reason why they apply the most

time

with. I would totally argue that there is a downsides aspect when

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

spent more

time

with these technologies

phones

Correct word choice

and phones

show examples

because they would drop their

competent

Replace the word

competence

show examples

to communicate with real-life people.

Submitted by vanil on Sun Apr 16 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

219 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Download Free PDF
11 Most Commonly Used English Expressions »

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
As a consequence of improved medical care, people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think its advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
There is a heated debate over the topic of increasing life expectancy being the result of advanced healthcare. It is, thus, suggested that this general trend be considered rather negative. In the following paragraphs, I will try to delve into this notion and provide certain arguments why I would take issue with that it serves for the benefits of human-beings.
4.5
band
The effect of people to the environment is so much nowadays,what can the government and individuals do to restore or prevent further damage to the environment.
An environment is an external bodies surrounding a man which defines and classify the kind of organism that lives in it. An environment is incomplete without the inhabitant likewise human cannot do without their environment. Humans and their environment interact on daily basis. Humans cannot survive without interacting with their environment.
5.5
band
In many countries, the number of obese children is increasing rapidly, and many people believe that the government is responsible for this alarming problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In many countries, the number of obese children is increasing rapidly, many people believe that the government is responsible for this alarming problem. I find that this is not an entirely accurate opinion. Although the government is responsible for the problem of overweight in children, the key is still parental supervision and proper education from schools.
4.5
band
In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this
In many nations around the world, more and more individuals are becoming interested in searching out the history of their houses or buildings. This essay will examine the possible reasons behind it and how individuals can research it.
5.5
band
People find it very difficult to speak in public or to give a presentation before an audience. Do you think that public speaking skill is very important? Some people say that it should be taught at school. Do you agree or disagree?
A number of individuals finds public speaking a daunting task. The inability to speak confidently causes problems in conveyance of the message to the audience of the speaker . It is crucial to learn public speaking skills and there are a myriad of reasons for that. If this skill is taught at school then it is very beneficial for the student.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative

Fully explain your ideas

As a consequence of improved medical care, people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think its advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

The effect of people to the environment is so much nowadays,what can the government and individuals do to restore or prevent further damage to the environment.

In many countries, the number of obese children is increasing rapidly, and many people believe that the government is responsible for this alarming problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this

People find it very difficult to speak in public or to give a presentation before an audience. Do you think that public speaking skill is very important? Some people say that it should be taught at school. Do you agree or disagree?