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Band 4

Some people believe the purpose of education should be to help the individual to become useful to society, while others believe it should help individuals to achieve their ambitions. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #purpose #education #society #individuals #ambitions
Since the beginning,
education
 is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 important topic for many of us so
people
 argue about
education
. Some of them believe that
education
 is good for
society
 and others claim that teaching helps personal aims. From my point of
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 tutoring must have for
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 community. First of all, Human beings who teach for personal targets won’t be useful for civilization because
according to
 recent
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 from California University, mankind who educate for personal ambitions have some psychological problems.
Such
 as Unigma. Unigma
people
 just care about themself and become selfish
people
.
At the end
 of the day, we don’t have lonely lives. Mankind lives together.
On the other hand
, some
people
, including me, believe that if
people
 educate
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 problems and
Correct article usage
the lacks
show examples
lacks
Correct subject-verb agreement
lack
show examples
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
society
, these
people
 have
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 effect on their country.
For
Change preposition
Initially
show examples
initially
, in the past,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Japan, didn’t have any engineers
hence
 they had no quality technologies until now. Nowadays, there are a lot of Japanese engineers and these engineers lead to many good things.
Moreover
, when
people
 work for
society
,
people
 have better lives. Crime rates are going to decrease and economical issues can
will
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
end in the future. In conclusion, taking everything into consideration I strongly claim that the advantages far outweigh and more
logical
Change the word
logically
show examples
 the disadvantages occasionally
people
 who teach for
society
 can change
world
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the world
show examples
 and have many beneficial things for civilization
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
 other humans who educate for personal goals just improve themself.
Purpose
Correct article usage
The purpose
show examples
 of
education
 must be for the community.
Submitted by kerimalgull on

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Linking words for giving examples:

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  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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