Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money?

Many people think that becoming famous is really interesting, but they just
saw
Wrong verb form
see
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one side. In fact, celebrities
faced
Wrong verb form
face
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many problems so it
wasn’t
Wrong verb form
isn’t
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surprising why they are paid more than others. On the one hand, they have to deal with being in the public eye. They are always being followed by the paparazzi so they can’t have a private life.
For example
, they have to keep calm every time or they will get into trouble when they get mad with photographers or reporters.
Secondly
, the chance to become a well-known person isn’t easy, except for someone who was born with their talent. People have to work really hard and get better day by day to achieve that but sometimes they become a victim in their success. Markus Notch Person gets billions of dollars from his game, but he has to live alone for the entirety of his life.
On the other hand
, other workers
such
as nurses and teachers often receive low salaries. In my view, stars have to deal with more stress and they are
also
afraid of losing their job for just a small thing.
Besides
, some people claim fame because their parents are already celebrities, but that can put them in danger from
kidnapper
Fix the agreement mistake
kidnappers
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or murderers.
Instead
of wasting their money on expensive things, they
also
use them for charity. In conclusion, to become famous makes their life always
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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followed, they have to get better and better every day so they have to be paid worthy of their dedication.
Submitted by tamnguyen160424 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a recognizable structure, but improved paragraphing and clearer transitions between ideas will enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion should state your position more clearly and directly address the question of whether celebrities are paid too much.
coherence cohesion
While main points are generally supported, the essay lacks a range of well-developed and specifically relevant examples to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Expand on the topic by providing more comprehensive arguments and fully responding to the task. Present both sides of the argument more evenly to increase task achievement.
task achievement
Use more specific examples that are directly relevant to the topic of celebrity pay to enhance the response's relevance and effectiveness.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • lucrative
  • revenue
  • sponsorships
  • merchandise
  • career longevity
  • market demand
  • economic contribution
  • role models
  • influence
  • entertainment industry
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