Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money?
Many people think that becoming famous is really interesting, but they just
saw
one side. In fact, celebrities Wrong verb form
see
faced
many problems so it Wrong verb form
face
wasn’t
surprising why they are paid more than others.
On the one hand, they have to deal with being in the public eye. They are always being followed by the paparazzi so they can’t have a private life. Wrong verb form
isn’t
For example
, they have to keep calm every time or they will get into trouble when they get mad with photographers or reporters. Secondly
, the chance to become a well-known person isn’t easy, except for someone who was born with their talent. People have to work really hard and get better day by day to achieve that but sometimes they become a victim in their success. Markus Notch Person gets billions of dollars from his game, but he has to live alone for the entirety of his life.
On the other hand
, other workers such
as nurses and teachers often receive low salaries. In my view, stars have to deal with more stress and they are also
afraid of losing their job for just a small thing. Besides
, some people claim fame because their parents are already celebrities, but that can put them in danger from kidnapper
or murderers. Fix the agreement mistake
kidnappers
Instead
of wasting their money on expensive things, they also
use them for charity.
In conclusion, to become famous makes their life always being
followed, they have to get better and better every day so they have to be paid worthy of their dedication.Unnecessary verb
apply
Submitted by tamnguyen160424 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a recognizable structure, but improved paragraphing and clearer transitions between ideas will enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion should state your position more clearly and directly address the question of whether celebrities are paid too much.
coherence cohesion
While main points are generally supported, the essay lacks a range of well-developed and specifically relevant examples to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Expand on the topic by providing more comprehensive arguments and fully responding to the task. Present both sides of the argument more evenly to increase task achievement.
task achievement
Use more specific examples that are directly relevant to the topic of celebrity pay to enhance the response's relevance and effectiveness.
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