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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people argue that because the Internet makes it so easy for children to access facts, schools should not focus on teaching facts. Instead, they should focus on developing children’s skills and potential, and their relationships with other people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #internet #children #access #facts #schools #focus #children’s #skills #relationships
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As information is now so accessible online, it can be argued that schools should move away from fact-based teaching and towards work on
skills
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 and relationship building. I completely agree with
this
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 idea. There are two main reasons why I believe that school teachers should no longer focus on presenting factual information to their students.
Firstly
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, there is simply no need for teachers to create lessons that are already available in multimedia format on the Internet. YouTube,
for example
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, contains videos that cover the full range of school subjects and lesson topics.
Secondly
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, young people are so adept at using websites and search engines that they can be trusted to do their own online fact-finding. In my opinion,
this
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 research could be done as homework, which would remove the need for the teaching of facts in the classroom. A shift away from the traditional style of teaching would allow schools to build their students’ practical and social
skills
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. Useful practical
skills
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 might include online research, presentations, website design, and even computer programming. Competence in these areas is in high demand in today’s job market. With regard to social or relationship
skills
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, a modern approach to education would put more emphasis on group projects that require teamwork, negotiation and the delegation of tasks.
This
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 way of teaching could develop students’ emotional intelligence and leadership qualities, and help all children, regardless of academic ability, to reach their potential. In conclusion, I believe that classroom teaching should prioritise
skills
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 and interpersonal relationships,
while
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 factual knowledge can be studied at home via the Internet.
Submitted by thisisaveryan on

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Introduction/Conclusion
Ensure you introduce the topic properly, define your stance clearly, and offer a concise summary in the conclusion. You have done this well, but always remember to keep each part distinct and purposeful.
Supporting Information
Develop each of your main points with specific examples or evidence. While you have touched upon relevant points, further elaboration with concrete examples or data would strengthen your argument.
Coherence/Cohesion
Maintain logical sequencing of ideas throughout the essay, with clear and purposeful paragraphing. You have done this effectively. To further enhance your work, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and varying sentence structures.
Task Response
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring you explore all aspects of the statement given. You have expressed your viewpoint clearly, justifying your opinion throughout the essay, which is excellent.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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