IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries people are having health problems because they choose to live a unhealthy life. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

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In recent years, an unhealthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 has become a pressing concern as it significantly affects and requires immediate attention.
This
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 essay will discuss the main reasons why individuals are suffering from health diseases and propose effective solutions to address them. There are several key reasons why health issues have emerged as a significant problem. One key cause is the advancement of technology, which allows
people
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 to utilise enormous amounts of time on social media
while
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 communicating with their friends or families.
For instance
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, several individuals are suffering from obesity, as they tend to follow a sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 with fewer physical activities. Another major cause is the readily food available in the market, which needs less effort and time to prepare. The highest number of artificial ingredients in these food items, give rise to heart stroke and other problems. To tackle these issues, several effective steps can be implemented. One possible solution is the involvement in community events or cultural festivals, where
people
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 get the chance to socialize with others.
For example
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, older
people
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 are always trying to indulge with their community members by visiting parks, gardens or community centres.
Hence
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, they get rid of diseases as they try to remain fit as a fiddle. Another possible solution is to reduce the screen time to get involved in some physical activities by doing some household chores.
As a result
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, many
people
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 experience improvement in their
overall
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 quality of life. In conclusion, an unhealthy
lifestyle
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 stems from a sedentary
lifestyle
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 and the availability of processed food, has led to several medical conditions.
However
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, by implementing solutions
such
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 as engagement in cultural activities and household chores, it is possible to mitigate the issue.

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coherence and cohesion
The essay has provided a suitable introduction and conclusion, although you could enhance the conclusion by summarizing the main points more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer topic sentence in each paragraph to specify what the main idea of the paragraph will be, improving overall clarity.
task achievement
While the essay addresses the task and explains reasons and solutions, more detailed and varied examples would strengthen your points further.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to review sentence structures; using a wider range of sentence types will improve the score in this criterion.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies relevant causes and solutions to the issue of unhealthy lifestyles, showing strong task engagement.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical flow to the essay, with clear connections made between the reasons discussed and the proposed solutions.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • dietary habits
  • awareness
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • lifestyle
  • unhealthy choices
  • stress
  • busy lifestyles
  • cultural factors
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • education campaigns
  • nutrition
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • supportive environment
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