Some people argue that because the Internet makes it so easy for children to access facts, schools should not focus on teaching facts. Instead, they should focus on developing children’s skills and potential, and their relationships with other people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays, social
media
isn’t only used by younger people but
also
by older people.
If
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
10 years ago it
hardly
Rephrase
was hard
show examples
to see an older person surf tiktok or
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
but nowadays, it isn’t difficult to see that. It’s not difficult to see an older person is using social
media
, the increasing of number older
use
Wrong verb form
people using
show examples
social
media
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
older people
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
more benefits like:
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
to relax and decrease their lone,....
However
, sometimes I think
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
peope
Correct your spelling
people
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
spending too much time on social
media
and their health
is decrease
Change the verb form
is decreasing
is decreased
show examples
because they forget
sleeping
Change the verb form
to sleep
show examples
and
eating
Wrong verb form
eat
show examples
. It
really
Add a missing verb
is really
show examples
a bad problem
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
today and improving
this
problem is a necessary shared task of more countries
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay for better coherence and clarity.
Task Achievement
You need to address the task more comprehensively and provide specific examples to support your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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