어떤 사람들은 그림이나 소묘와 같은 예술품을 고등학생에게 의무화할 수 있다고 말한다. 어느 정도 동의하거나 동의하지 않습니까?
Many
people
believed
that Wrong verb form
believe
arts
courses such
as painting or drawing should be required for high school
adolescents. From my perspective, I totally concur with this
statement owing to the following demonstrations.
Firstly
, there is no doubt that arts
curricula like painting or drawing should be made mandatory for secondary school
students. Because taking an entertainment class such
as art
and music has an effect on students’ minds positively. It might enhance students’ creativity and imagination. Furthermore
, learning arts
subject may keep adolescents in good mental health and give them happiness. For example
, based on Seoul University research surveys in 2009, It turned out that there was room for improvement in Emotional Quotient if people
take
Wrong verb form
took
art
classes. For these reasons, teens should be learning obligatory to design such
as painting or drawing.
Secondly
, art
classes might benefit teens. This
is because some people
who are student could realize their own special gift. Furthermore
if Add a comma
Furthermore,
art
courses have
an influence on high Wrong verb form
had
school
students negatively
, Rephrase
apply
people
would have not sought to make them compulsory for
Change preposition
apply
them
. Correct pronoun usage
apply
For example
, some country
enact a law that entertainment Fix the agreement mistake
countries
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
such
as physical and
music and Correct word choice
apply
arts
should make
obligatory for Wrong verb form
be made
student
. Fix the agreement mistake
students
Hence
art
courses such
as design should be obligatory for secondary school
students.
In conclusion, there are a lot of benefits when a student should learn essential art
classes. Especially it
will keep teens in good mental health and give them enjoyment. Rephrase
It
Hence
, I believe that the
Correct article usage
apply
art
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
such
as painting or drawing should be made required for adolescentsSubmitted by isacckira on
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