IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals
There is an ongoing debate
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
people
 today are more independent or depend on each other more than before. In my opinion, individuals have much more interactions with
others
 today but many of them are so
standartized
Correct your spelling
standardized
 that it is easy to live without counting on
others
. On the one hand, the amount of
people
 that a person meets per day now is usually higher that the amount of encountered
people
 during a whole life in tribal societies millennia ago. It is hard to argue that it is possible to become more independent with
such
Add an article
a such
the such
show examples
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
 number of
acquintances
Correct your spelling
acquaintances
.
However
, I stick with
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 opinion that in most cases it is not a
relationships
Correct the article-noun agreement
relationship
show examples
 between two persons but rather between a person and a system.
For example
, when a patient comes to a hospital the outcome of a
threatment
Correct your spelling
treatment
 depends less on personal relations with a doctor and more on standardized protocols.
On the other hand
, in the previous centuries and millennia being part of a tribe or a clan was a matter of survival. Without other mates surviving
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
harsh weather or fighting predators or other humans in coalitions was near to impossible.
Therefore
, dependency on
others
 was much stronger than nowadays. In my opinion, it is a valid claim. An illustration
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 that was using exile from a group as the most severe punishment that was close to a death sentence.
To conclude
,
although
people
 today have more
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
show examples
 with
others
, they are more independent compared to the times when forming coalitions with
others
 was matter of life and death. Reliable institutions decreased
importance
Correct article usage
the importance
show examples
 of personal connections.
Submitted by curiousobserver on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: