IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organizations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Thesis statement: Disadvantages outweigh advantages

#information #individuals #internet #companies #organizations #outweigh #thesis
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Private data from many people
is
Change the verb form
are
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 kept by big internet companies and organizations.
This
Linking Words
 allows them to grant access to sensitive
information
Use synonyms
such
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 as your personal name, your local address and your recent activities online, which helps you
filtering
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filter
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 unwanted or unsuitable commercials online.
However
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, failure to protect people's
information
Use synonyms
 may lead to privacy issues and damage the
companies
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company's
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 reputation.
This
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 essay will discuss the pros and cons of
this
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 problem. Every website has something called "cookies". When you accept their "cookies", you allow that site to read your basic
information
Use synonyms
, including your name, your location, nationality,
even
Correct word choice
and even
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 your previous search history.
This
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 is very essential especially
big
Change preposition
for big
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 names like Google, Facebook, Youtube,
even
Correct word choice
and even
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 Bing
,
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apply
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 because it lets them
to
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apply
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display suitable advertisements to your personal preference,
Correct word choice
and prevent
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prevent
Wrong verb form
preventing
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 unwanted or annoying ads that may disturb you.
However
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, if your data were improperly protected, it may lead to serious privacy problems. Your leaked
information
Use synonyms
 might be sold to anonymous hackers,
scammers
Correct word choice
and scammers
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 for
a
Correct article usage
apply
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profit, and your safety is concerned. There was a time when Facebook - the biggest social media platform, was reported by users because their accounts
was
Change the verb form
were
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 hacked, the reason for
this
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 is
because
Correct word choice
that
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 the password linked to their account was stored in plain text, which data miners found out and exploited
this
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 fact to steal multiple accounts from different people. As the result, they have to pay a minimum of 2 billion dollars in damages. In my opinion, privacy should be the number one priority when it comes to individual info online, especially big internet companies as
this
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 affects their
userbase
Correct your spelling
user base
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 and the image of their company.
Submitted by huyentrang712 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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