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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that we live in a society where money and possessions are given too much importance. Others believe that his is improving our lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #society #money #possessions #importance #lives
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Nowadays,
money
 and possessions are important to many
people
 because they can get anything they desire as soon as possible.
However
, others think there are more important
values
 in their life. I believe
money
 isn't the key but it can solve problems easier I proudly say that most
values
 are more important than
money
.
People
 who care about
money
, mostly think problems could be disappeared from
money
 and they are not completely wrong.
For example
, if a rich
person
 becomes sick, he doesn't think about how to cost treatment is,
on the other hand
, a poor
person
 may think healthcare service is expensive.
This
 thought is similar to other topics,
such
 as education, accommodation or entertainment.
While
 someone who has
money
, is getting everything, others just watching. In the contrast, wealth may not be enough to be an answer to all of the problems. Many high-value companies or a few individuals are damaging
Correct article usage
the planet
show examples
planet
Change the noun form
planets
show examples
 more than the rest of the world because they don't care about the
planet
 or the next generations. Any
person
 can not buy a new
planet
.
In addition
,
values
 irrelevant to wealth like love, kindness, pride, being generous, etc. I believe those are way more important than being rich.
Overall
, many times
money
 talks and a
person
 probably live an easier life with more
money
.
However
, if that
person
 damages the environment and lacks
values
, it is pointless. As we live together on
this
planet
, we have to care for each other.
Otherwise
,
while
 some
people
 just having fun, others live in terrible conditions and all the
people
 are responsible for that.
Submitted by ebeyza34 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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