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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Small businesses are disappearing and being replaced by large multinational companies. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent times, the phenomenon of supplanting small enterprises with large multinational
corporations
Use synonyms
 has gained momentum.
While
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this
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 trend has advantages
such
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 as potential economic growth, and the incoming technological advances to the local countries, the disadvantages it has, including diminishing competition and job losses in local areas, outweigh the benefits. One of the main merits of transnational companies is their potential to stimulate the economic field. The knowledge, financial recourses and experience they have earned over the years may probably help the country's economic situation to be improved.
For example
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, they may offer a wide range of products and services which have not probably been in a good condition and
this
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 may
also
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 provide diversity for consumers.
In addition
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, when transnational
corporations
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 enter one country, they don't just come with their money,
also
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 they do technological investment and these cutting-edge technologies can lead to the country's development in
this
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 field too.
On the other hand
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, the drawbacks of
this
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 trend
also
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 are notable. The work of enormous proportion of people associated with small businesses and If small businesses disappear and
be
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are
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 replaced by multinational
corporations
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, the employees might lose their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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.
Furthermore
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, transnational
corporations
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 have a huge amount of financial
recourses
Correct your spelling
resources
show examples
 and capacity and they have an opportunity to control a specific part of the market and
this
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 can lead to a monopoly.
For instance
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, they may affect the prices in markets and
also
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 can easily break their small competitors. In conclusion,
although
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 the replacement of small businesses by multinational enterprises can have a positive impact on economics and technological advances, the negatives of
this
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such
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 as monopoly and unemployment outweigh any advantage

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Coherence and Cohesion: Logical Structure and Introduction/Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more explicit and engaging. The essay lacks clear topic sentences for each body paragraph and needs better use of linking words to improve coherence.
Task Achievement: Complete Response and Clear Comprehensive Ideas
The response addresses the question and provides adequate support for the main points. However, the ideas could be more fully developed, and the viewpoint should be more clearly presented.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Displacement
  • Economies of scale
  • Local economies
  • Standardization
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Personalized service
  • Innovation
  • Community investments
  • Environmental impact
  • Competitive prices
  • Tax contributions
  • Job losses
  • Cultural diversity
  • Local employment opportunities
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