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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart below shows the leisure activities that teenagers in Canada report to be their favorite. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#bar #leisure #activities #teenagers #canada #report #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates four
favourite
Use synonyms
 hobbies of teens in Canada, namely
sports
Use synonyms
,
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
,
music
Use synonyms
 and shopping. On the whole,
while
Linking Words
 most male teenagers find shopping and
sports
Use synonyms
 the most exciting , these activities are the least interesting ones for female adolescents.
However
Linking Words
, almost the same proportion of both genders enjoy playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
. The most exciting leisure
activity
Use synonyms
 for
boys
Use synonyms
 in Canada is shopping, peaking at 35% male teenage engagement.
By contrast
Linking Words
, only around 5% of
girls
Use synonyms
 report
this
Linking Words
activity
Use synonyms
 to be their
favourite
Use synonyms
 pastime.
Similarly
Linking Words
, there is a significant gap between those male and female juveniles interested in
sports
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 almost 25% of
boys
Use synonyms
 mention
sports
Use synonyms
 as their
favourite
Use synonyms
 hobby, the percentage of
girls
Use synonyms
 who like indulging in
this
Linking Words
activity
Use synonyms
 is just over 10%. As for
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
, there is almost similar engagement from both genders.
Music
Use synonyms
 is reported to be a
favourite
Use synonyms
 entertaining
activity
Use synonyms
 by the same percentage of both
boys
Use synonyms
 and
girls
Use synonyms
 in Canada, at nearly 20%,
whereas
Linking Words
 only about 3% fewer
girls
Use synonyms
 enjoy
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 in comparison to
boys
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by tjumagul67 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words favourite, sports, computer, games, music, activity, boys, girls with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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