IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say the government should give healthcare the first priority, some others believe there are more important priorities to spend taxer’s money. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #government #healthcare #first #priority #priorities #taxer’s #money
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
While
Linking Words
 many believe that the government should prioritize
firstly
Linking Words
 healthcare, others argue that other sectors are more crucial to spend residents’ taxes. I tend to agree with the former view, and my essay will support my opinion via a discussion of both sides. On the one hand, those considering other investments more important believe that the government might take priority over educational and economical
development
Use synonyms
. With regard to the former, higher quality education might help the future residents of a
country
Use synonyms
 gain all the necessary knowledge and skills that the marketplace requires.
As a result
Linking Words
, they potentially can contribute to the
country
Use synonyms
’s
development
Use synonyms
 and boost the rank of their nation on a global scale. As for the latter, investing in the economy might reduce the unemployment rate and increase the minimum wage of workers, which leads to better well-being for the whole of society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, my view is that healthcare should be the most important priority for a
country
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
this
Linking Words
 is because assuring the health of the population means assuring the daily life activities of the whole
country
Use synonyms
. Take the covid pandemic that happened over the
last
Linking Words
 two years ago as a prime example. During the lockdown time, all economical or educational activities were postponed or transformed into remote to minimalize the spread of the virus which allowed a decrease in the number of patients and protect the health of all residents.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the physical health of residents of a
country
Use synonyms
 can be seen as a competitive advantage compared to other countries. Regardless of the jobs that require the strengthening of muscles, good physical
development
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 allowed great cognitive
development
Use synonyms
, which contributes to the
country
Use synonyms
’s growth. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 a huge amount of individuals argue that the government should invest the taxer’s money in education and the economy, I would agree with those who support healthcare as the first priority of the
country
Use synonyms
 with its role in maintaining the stability of society and increasing the competitive advantage of a nation.
Submitted by nguyenhuyena9k18 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: