Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

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We are living in a technological world where most of our lives are dependent on smart devices and some

children

Use synonyms

now spend a large portion scrolling on

phones

Use synonyms

, in my opinion,

this

Linking Words

has a detrimental impact on their health and social lives. Social and gaming

apps

Use synonyms

are now the main reasons why

children

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are addicted to their

phones

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. For starters, in the past,

phones

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were equipped with some basic commands like calling and receiving text messages, it was likely that

children

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in those times interacted with them. Smartphones nowadays are packed with features to minimize work time and

also

Linking Words

come with addictive applications.

Apps

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like Facebook and TikTok.

For example

Linking Words

, use artificial intelligence to profile your favorite content to grab their attention which keeps them hooked for a long duration.

Besides

Linking Words

gaming

apps

Use synonyms

, once they start a game, it's hard to stop because most games are designed to be addictive, claiming more rewards by progression which many kids are eager to go on nonstop and do more harm to them. I believe most addicts would experience negative effects with the blue light coming from

phones

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which can damage your eyes, resulting in irritation, numbness, and irritation. Plus cell phone addiction can

also

Linking Words

affect your sleeping habits, mood swings, and feeling down every morning. Having a lot of online friends

instead

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of real-life friends can reduce your social skills like communication, negotiation, and problem-solving skills which have less chance to learn in the real world. In a nutshell, social and gaming

apps

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are the main issue for extensive use of

phones

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over a long period, and

this

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results in various health problems and reduces

children

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's social skills.

Submitted by jakelong16091994 on Wed Apr 19 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that the essay is well-organized. Your paragraphs should have a clear progression of ideas but some parts did not flow logically from one to the next. Each main point should clearly relate to your central argument and flow naturally.

coherence cohesion

While your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, they are not fully effective. The introduction should more precisely introduce the topic and outline the main points that will be discussed. The conclusion should summarize the essay comprehensively.

task achievement

Your essay touched upon the main issues pertaining to the topic, but you need to fully develop your ideas. Each paragraph should explore the topic in depth and present a balanced view where required. The response was somewhat one-sided and could be improved with a more nuanced discussion of the topic.

task achievement

Your writing needs to clearly convey your ideas to the reader. Aim for precision and clarity in your language to ensure each sentence conveys a single, clear idea. Avoid repetition and focus on explaining how each point supports your overall argument.

task achievement

You have used relevant examples, which is good, but need to integrate these examples more effectively into your argument. They should be used to clearly support the main points you are making in each paragraph.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

275 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

Adults do less exercise nowadays. Some people thi it that people can be encouraged to live healthy lives through sporting events such as Olympics and World cups. Others think that there are better ways to encourage adults to do exercise. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?