Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
We are living in a technological world where most of our lives are dependent on smart devices and some
children
now spend a large portion scrolling on phones
, in my opinion, this
has a detrimental impact on their health and social lives.
Social and gaming apps
are now the main reasons why children
are addicted to their phones
. For starters, in the past, phones
were equipped with some basic commands like calling and receiving text messages, it was likely that children
in those times interacted with them. Smartphones nowadays are packed with features to minimize work time and also
come with addictive applications. Apps
like Facebook and TikTok.For example
, use artificial intelligence to profile your favorite content to grab their attention which keeps them hooked for a long duration. Besides
gaming apps
, once they start a game, it's hard to stop because most games are designed to be addictive, claiming more rewards by progression which many kids are eager to go on nonstop and do more harm to them.
I believe most addicts would experience negative effects with the blue light coming from phones
which can damage your eyes, resulting in irritation, numbness, and irritation. Plus cell phone addiction can also
affect your sleeping habits, mood swings, and feeling down every morning. Having a lot of online friends instead
of real-life friends can reduce your social skills like communication, negotiation, and problem-solving skills which have less chance to learn in the real world.
In a nutshell, social and gaming apps
are the main issue for extensive use of phones
over a long period, and this
results in various health problems and reduces children
's social skills.Submitted by jakelong16091994 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay is well-organized. Your paragraphs should have a clear progression of ideas but some parts did not flow logically from one to the next. Each main point should clearly relate to your central argument and flow naturally.
coherence cohesion
While your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, they are not fully effective. The introduction should more precisely introduce the topic and outline the main points that will be discussed. The conclusion should summarize the essay comprehensively.
task achievement
Your essay touched upon the main issues pertaining to the topic, but you need to fully develop your ideas. Each paragraph should explore the topic in depth and present a balanced view where required. The response was somewhat one-sided and could be improved with a more nuanced discussion of the topic.
task achievement
Your writing needs to clearly convey your ideas to the reader. Aim for precision and clarity in your language to ensure each sentence conveys a single, clear idea. Avoid repetition and focus on explaining how each point supports your overall argument.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples, which is good, but need to integrate these examples more effectively into your argument. They should be used to clearly support the main points you are making in each paragraph.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
