IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The best way to make the road transport of goods safer is to ask drivers to take a driving test each year. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, companies are losing vast amounts of money
due to
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 losing their goods
as a result
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 of
transportation
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 accidents.
Although
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 it is true that regularly monitoring the driving skills of transport owners will contribute to the safety of
transportation
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 of cargo, I would argue that
this
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 approach is not the most superior solution and there are other, more effective measures to deal with the problem. One of the most prominent reasons for cargo
transportation
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 accidents is
drivers
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' sleepiness rather than their driving competence. Logistics companies frequently allow their transport agents to drive trucks longer than the international norm, which is eight hours a day.
As a result
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 of
this
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 violation, truck
drivers
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 occasionally fall asleep and crash their vehicles.
Instead
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 of conducting regular driving
tests
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, governments could more strictly control the amount of time a driver is on the road and impose significant fines on those companies that violate driving time policies. It should be noted,
however
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, that verifying a driving licence by conducting annual
tests
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 could
also
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 lead to fewer accidents.
For example
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,
this
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 would ensure that
drivers
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 who recently started suffering from physical or mental diseases are identified and not allowed to drive for a certain amount of time or permanently.
However
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, implementing
this
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 policy requires large amounts of investment to pay for instructors who conduct the
tests
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, which many countries cannot afford.
Additionally
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,
this
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 would cause large queues for driving
tests
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, which obviously would stimulate higher dissatisfaction among people. In a nutshell, forcing
drivers
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 to pass annual driving
tests
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 is one of the ways to ensure
transportation
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 safety.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 given that it is a highly resource-demanding approach, I believe governments should look at more effective and efficient solutions to tackle the problem.

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task achievement
The essay is well-structured and effectively responds to the task. However, to achieve a higher score, try to delve deeper into each argument and provide more detailed examples or evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your transitions between paragraphs and ideas are quite good, but aim for even smoother coherence by using a wider variety of linking words and phrases. This will help in making the argument flow more naturally.
task achievement
To strengthen your task response, consider addressing potential counterarguments more explicitly. Acknowledge alternative perspectives and explain why your viewpoint holds more weight.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion not only restates your main argument but also summarizes the key points discussed in the body paragraphs. This will provide a stronger sense of closure to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is structured with clear introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, which enhances readability and coherence.
task achievement
You offer relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument and demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
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