IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Poor nutrition and obesity is a problem in many developed countries and some people believe a tax on fast food would reduce the problem. Do you agree? Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #nutrition #obesity #countries #people #tax #food
Due to
 changes in our lifestyle
as a consequence
 of living in a modern world, our eating habits have changed a lot.
People
 in the past used to eat healthier
food
 and consume more natural ingredients in their meals, but now they tend to prepare their cuisine as fast as possible, and because of that fast
food
 is more popular these days. Some
people
 argue that increasing
Correct article usage
the tax
show examples
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 on fast
food
 can decline the desire to eat too much. I somehow agree with the idea but I think we
also
 need some fast-prepared
foods
 that are healthy as a replacement.
People
 tend to eat fast
food
 because they are cheap and the process to prepare them is fast. Increasing
tax
 on fast
food
 will rise the price of them and causes to think more about the money
people
 spend on them and absolutely make them decrease consuming these unhealthy
foods
. Take yourself as a fast-
food
 consumer as an example that eats them every day, adding
tax
 to the price makes you think twice when you want to buy them and
as a result
, leads you to consume less.
On the other hand
,
although
 taking some measures like
tax
Add an article
a tax
show examples
 to increase the price of fast
food
 is a viable solution it is not sufficient. Alongside getting
tax
, I believe we need some replacement, too.
In other words
, we can't force
people
 to prohibit something if we don't have any alternative. So, we need some rapidly prepared
foods
 which are healthier than typical fast
foods
.
For example
, introducing some nutritious vegetables and fruits and making them available everywhere is a nice policy that will encourage
people
 to use them more.
To sum up
, discouraging
people
 to have fast
food
 by imposing
tax
Add an article
a tax
show examples
 on them is a good idea.
However
, we
also
 need to replace it with something new and healthier to meet the need of a modern lifestyle.
Submitted by haq1366 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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