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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, children spend too much time watching TV and playing computer games. Some people believe this has negative effects on children's mental abilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

#children #time #tv #computer #games #people #effects #abilities #disagree？
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Most
children
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 are addicted to playing computer
games
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 and spending time on television at present. Some believe
this
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 has adverse effects on their conceptual abilities . I am of the view that
this
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 trend will have serious consequences for
children
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 if not controlled sooner.
Children
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's cognitive abilities are improved based on both physical and intellectual capabilities.
Firstly
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, spending too much time in isolation playing
video
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games
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 will create a child with no human empathy.
This
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 will impact their ability to interact with others making them fragile and arrogant.
For example
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, research has proven that
at
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a
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 child's mental ability will be improved when their social skills with others are in balance.
Moreover
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,
this
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 will eventually decline the concentration of a child to study and result in degrading academic results. Obesity is the other outcome of
this
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 dilemma.
In other words
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, lack of exercise will result in increasing amount of cholesterol levels which leads to unhealthy body fats.
To begin
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 with, it is found that four of every ten
children
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 in America are obese which has led to a detrimental impact on families.
In addition
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 to that, playing too
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
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video
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games
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 resulted in losing visibility among
children
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 and degrading brain cells which they need to acquire knowledge at a young age.
For instance
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, suicide rates among
children
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 in Canada have seen their highest over the
last
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 5 years
due to
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 mental instability
in
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apply
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, and scientists believe
this
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 has a direct correlation to the usage of
video
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games
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. In conclusion, it is a fact that
children
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 nowadays have access to, too many
video
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games
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 and television and
this
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 has had damaging effects on their psychological abilities.
Submitted by madonnasama on

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relevant specific examples
Ensure examples used are relevant and specific to the main points mentioned.
logical structure
Continue to organize your ideas logically, starting with a clear thesis statement in the introduction and wrapping up with a summary in the conclusion.
introduction conclusion present
Make your main points and supporting details clearer by using more transitional phrases.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay provides a clear argument supporting the view that excessive screen time has negative effects on children's mental abilities.
logical structure
The structure of your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, is effective and helps in presenting your ideas logically.
supported main points
Your essay touches on key points such as cognitive development, social skills, and physical health, which are relevant to the topic.
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