Nowadays some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #retirement #communities #adult #children #development

Nowadays an increasing population of senior citizens are going to

Add an article

a resident

the resident

show examples

resident

Replace the word

residence

show examples

in Care homes with other aged ones

instead

of living alongside their

children

.I strongly believe that

this

development does more good than harm. It is true that both older

parents

and their

children

who live

toghther

Correct your spelling

together

seem to be in a much closer relationship.

This

is because

children

could know about their

parents

better by talking about their daily experiences and sharing their feelings

while

having

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

meals together. At the same time, family

members

could help the elderly ones to do a lot of things which are seemingly tough

Change preposition

for

show examples

them.

For example

children

could teach their

parents

how to use mobile phones and shop online,

as well as

help the elderly carry some heavy boxes or fill difficult tables.

However

, there are two reasons why I strongly believe retirement communities provide a more professional service for senior citizens.

Firstly

, nurses in Care homes are better trained than family

members

, the elderly could take

daily

Add an article

a daily

the daily

show examples

examination

Fix the agreement mistake

examinations

show examples

with the help of nurses and get instant medical care when they feel uncomfortable.

Secondly

, busy adults who have full-time jobs have less contact with their

parents

, which makes the elderly feel lonely at home,

by contrast

, in retirement communities, the elderly could meet a lot of friends at the same age and play together,

for instance

, they can play chess, hold a mini concert, dance with music and so on. These activities are good for elderly people's both mental and physical health. In conclusion,

while

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

there is no doubt that caring for elderly people was traditionally the responsibility of

adults

Change the noun form

adult

show examples

family

members

. living in

retitrement

Correct your spelling

retirement

communities is an unstoppable trend which is

benefical

Correct your spelling

beneficial

to both the elderly and the family

members

Submitted by 747803780 on Wed Apr 19 2023

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

290 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Governments should make more effort to promote alternative sources of energy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Write a letter to owner say how long you want to rent the apartment explain why your plans have changed tell tge owner about a problem in the apartment

Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think every human being can create artworks (e.g. painting), while others think only the people born with the ability can do that. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will l earn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn’t sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.