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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #retirement #communities #adult #children #development
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Nowadays an increasing population of senior citizens are going to
Add an article
a resident
the resident
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resident
Replace the word
residence
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 in Care homes with other aged ones
instead
Linking Words
 of living alongside their
children
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.I strongly believe that
this
Linking Words
 development does more good than harm. It is true that both older
parents
Use synonyms
 and their
children
Use synonyms
 who live
toghther
Correct your spelling
together
 seem to be in a much closer relationship.
This
Linking Words
 is because
children
Use synonyms
 could know about their
parents
Use synonyms
 better by talking about their daily experiences and sharing their feelings
while
Linking Words
 having
the
Correct article usage
apply
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meals together. At the same time, family
members
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 could help the elderly ones to do a lot of things which are seemingly tough
to
Change preposition
for
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 them.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 could teach their
parents
Use synonyms
 how to use mobile phones and shop online,
as well as
Linking Words
 help the elderly carry some heavy boxes or fill difficult tables.
However
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, there are two reasons why I strongly believe retirement communities provide a more professional service for senior citizens.
Firstly
Linking Words
, nurses in Care homes are better trained than family
members
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, the elderly could take
daily
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a daily
the daily
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examination
Fix the agreement mistake
examinations
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 with the help of nurses and get instant medical care when they feel uncomfortable.
Secondly
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, busy adults who have full-time jobs have less contact with their
parents
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, which makes the elderly feel lonely at home,
by contrast
Linking Words
, in retirement communities, the elderly could meet a lot of friends at the same age and play together,
for instance
Linking Words
, they can play chess, hold a mini concert, dance with music and so on. These activities are good for elderly people's both mental and physical health. In conclusion,
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while
Correct word choice
apply
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there is no doubt that caring for elderly people was traditionally the responsibility of
adults
Change the noun form
adult
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 family
members
Use synonyms
. living in
retitrement
Correct your spelling
retirement
 communities is an unstoppable trend which is
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to both the elderly and the family
members
Use synonyms
.
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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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