IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some of the methods used in advertising are unethical and unacceptable in today's society. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#methods #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Advertisements are seen as unacceptable and immoral in
this
Linking Words
 modern society. I believe that many strategies which are used to sell a particular product can be considered unethical.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, some ads not only frustrate
people
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 encourage
youngsters
Use synonyms
 to buy
products
Use synonyms
 which are not in use.
For instance
Linking Words
, mobile phones show enormous advertisements
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 do their important work and these waste their precious time,
therefore
Linking Words
, they become frustrated
due to
Linking Words
 delays during their work.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
youngsters
Use synonyms
 demand from their parents about the new toys which are shown in ads. those electronic toys are too expensive for their parents and they refuse to get them which becomes the cause of conflict in the family.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 have to confront the expensive demands of their children
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they feel frustrated because of
adverts
Change noun form
adverts'
advert's
show examples
interruptions during their online work.
Secondly
Linking Words
, everyone has a question in mind why advertise is always seen negatively in our society?
This
Linking Words
 is because companies implement some unethical ways to spread their
products
Use synonyms
 worldwide.
For example
Linking Words
, clothing stores stick flares on the street walls showing half-cloth girl pictures which influences
youngsters
Use synonyms
 negatively and
as a result
Linking Words
, rape cases have increased tremendously in today's world.
In addition
Linking Words
 to it, online advertising
also
Linking Words
 shows inappropriate pictures which influence
people
Use synonyms
 to search for unacceptable content and they watch nudity videos and apply those practically. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 new trend to promote
products
Use synonyms
 interrupts
people
Use synonyms
's lives by continuing to come on mobile phones with inappropriate pictures
as well as
Linking Words
youngsters
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 wasting their money by getting useless things and
also
Linking Words
 fighting with their parents if their demand to buy new
products
Use synonyms
 is not fulfilled.
Submitted by maninderdeep on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on improving your transitions between ideas and paragraphs. For example, phrases like 'moreover' and 'on the other hand' can help make your writing flow more smoothly.
task achievement
You need to provide more specific examples and explanations to support your main points. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and takes a clear position on the topic. You clearly state your view that many advertising methods are unethical.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, such as the influence of advertisements on children and the time wasted due to mobile ads.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: