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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowdays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. Fo the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#nowdays #people #children #life #fo #trend
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In today's world، having
children
Use synonyms
 later in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people's life is a decision that they make more compared to the past. I think
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the benefits of
this
Linking Words
 decision outweigh its drawbacks. On the one hand, having
children
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
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 older ages increase the risk of some illnesses. Women
decide
Correct pronoun usage
who decide
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 to expect a baby over
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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30 years old have more serious diseases
such
Linking Words
 as heart attack and paralysis.
This
Linking Words
 makes the lifespan of mothers and babies shorter, but the progress of science solves
this
Linking Words
 problem. Another issue is
generation
Add an article
a generation
the generation
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 gap between
parents
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
. When
parents
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 and their
children
Use synonyms
 are from
different
Add an article
a different
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generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
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, they understand each other
difficulty
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difficulties
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, and understanding between them goes down.
However
Linking Words
, there are many educational workshops that are used by
parents
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 and they can update themselves.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, older
parents
Use synonyms
 are more mature. As you become older, you make better decisions because you have more experience in comparison with the young. With more experience, we make
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 mistakes.
Moreover
Linking Words
, older
parents
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 succeed more in their jobs. So they earn more money and their high salary has a direct impact on their
children
Use synonyms
's future. These
children
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 get a lot of
opportunity
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opportunities
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 for being more successful compared to other
children
Use synonyms
 because of their
Use synonyms
parents'
Correct your spelling
parent's
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 money. I think, being
Use synonyms
parents
Fix the agreement mistake
parent
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 is a significant responsibility for any human, and we must provide almost everything for someone
Change preposition
with that
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that
Correct pronoun usage
whom
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 we decide to give birth. If you want to be great
Use synonyms
parents
Fix the agreement mistake
parent
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, your earnings must be high for updating yourself and supporting your child. In conclusion, nowadays, being
parents
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 in all the rages have a lot of advantages that outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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 because of being met and earning more money. 277 words
Submitted by Maryamrajaeenia77 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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