IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

People believe that arts like painting and music does not directly improve the quality of life, and therefore they think government’s money should be spent on other things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is undeniable that in
this
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 era of creativity in whole fields. More and more individuals believe
arts
Use synonyms
 subjects are not essential in our lives.
Therefore
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, the government should spend money on other aspects. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with
this
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 phenomenon.
This
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 essay will highlight the benefits of
arts
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 to people and countries, and will
also
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 provide relevant examples and insights. On the one hand, whole fields play a crucial role in our lifestyle. The first and foremost positive of visual
arts
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 is that create a high level of creativity. To illustrate more, certain members of the community who prefer painting, purchase several pictures.
Hence
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, a lot of materials are shown via some applications like Instagram and WhatsApp.
For example
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, a study at the University of Nizwa in 2023 conducted a variety of galleries which concerned artists from different regions.
As a result
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, approximately 95% of pictures were bought by foreign people.
On the other hand
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, the government encourage the handcrafts to improve. A clear example is the Omani Educational Associate indicated seniors are more age-interested in local crafts in Oman rather than young people.
Thus
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, the outcome of
this
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 event caused profits not only to residents but
also
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 to have a profound impact on society. Meanwhile, numerous nations spend large fractions of time and money to develop
this
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 trend. What is more, humanities subjects have specific days to celebrate because the nations enjoy and have fun. A report by the UNESCO survey indicated that 85% of residents prefer festivals
due to
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 visual
arts
Use synonyms
 in Omani. Compared with China only a quarter who interested in
this
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 case.
Overall
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,
this
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 situation could definitely improve in the long term of life. In conclusion, no doubt in
this
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 era of neck-to-neck competition,
arts
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 are a wonderful way to a quality of life in terms of pros outnumbering cons. Sequentially, these can be lessened by some immediate steps by the government and citizens.

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic, but you could strengthen your argument by discussing potential counterarguments or alternative perspectives to enrich your discussion.
Task Achievement
Some of your points could be elaborated further. For instance, the impact of arts on community identity could be emphasized more to provide a more comprehensive view of its benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and flows smoothly into the next. Use linking words effectively to connect your ideas; it can help enhance coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and variety in sentence structures. Some sentences are a bit awkward and could be refined for better clarity.
Task Achievement
You present a clear position on the topic and support your argument with relevant examples, demonstrating an understanding of the importance of arts.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your paragraphs are generally well-structured, with clear main ideas that help convey your argument effectively.
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