IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, many people are choosing to leading an unhealthy lifestyle these days. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #lifestyle #development
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An increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 who decide to have an unhealthy
lifestyle
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 in several states are seen clearly. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is a negative development which can lead to severe health problems and
also
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 lower concentration
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 or depression.
Firstly
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, one serious problem that can arise from
people
Use synonyms
 having
toxic
Add an article
a toxic
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 way of life is that it can lead to serious health issues.
For instance
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, individuals are now getting
easily
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easier
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to suffer
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suffering
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 from high blood pressure, diabetes, chronic respiratory and a range of cancers.
Nonetheless
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, citizens do not realize that those diseases are caused by their unwell way of living
such
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 as
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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never do exercises,
consume
Correct word choice
and consume
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 fast
food
Use synonyms
 frequently rather than
cook
Wrong verb form
cooking
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 their own
food
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.
As a result
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, if they undertake
this
Linking Words
 bad habit continuously, they will endure
further
Linking Words
 illnesses. Another issue is that carrying out
unhealthy
Add an article
an unhealthy
the unhealthy
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 way of living can be risky.
In other words
Linking Words
, individuals can assume that their concentration decrease significantly caused
by
Change preposition
of
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 inadequate nutrition contained in what they ingest.
However
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,
this
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 is particularly concerning for teenagers who are impressionable with junk
food
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, so it affects concentration in knowledge acquisition at school.
Furthermore
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, if there is no tangible solution for
this
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 case, depression is waiting for them because they might think it is not essential to pay attention to their
lifestyle
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. In conclusion,
although
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 it has become more eminent for
people
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 to
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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 toxic
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lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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such
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 as
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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never
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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 sports,
have
Correct word choice
or have
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 fast
food
Use synonyms
 as their main meals, these activities can lead to several serious health cases.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the idea of having
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
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lifestyle
Use synonyms
 is a negative development. After
thorough
Correct article usage
a thorough
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 analysis
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 subject, it is predicted that more
people
Use synonyms
 will be aware of their
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 if they stop doing these bad habits.
Submitted by srianggreni0802 on

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