Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, there are many different kinds of activities for

children

Use synonyms

to spend their leisure time. Some people assert that

children

Use synonyms

must attend group activities based on their carers' encouragement if they have free time

whereas

Linking Words

many others argue that the best thing is for

children

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to let them learn everything on their own. Personally, I am in favour of the first view. Convincing arguments can be made that all

kids

Use synonyms

are the same as white pages nothing is written on them because they try to learn everything very start of the

beginning

Correct word choice

very beginning

show examples

That is

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the reason why

parents

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have to help find the correct ways for their

children

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Moreover

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, if nobody cares what a

child

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does, there would not be motivation for the

child

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For example

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parents

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' motivation increases when the

child

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is going to chooses what kind of profession. There is a 50 per cent chance for the

child

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to choose the same profession as their

parents

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based on research results from MAC

university

Capitalize word

University

show examples

in 2023.

On the other hand

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, the

parents

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could not help the

children

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for long enough. One day, they will make decisions on their own. If they really do not have enough experience to choose the correct one, the

kids

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make mistakes. To prevent doing that, some

parents

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start practising when the

kids

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are younger.

For instance

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, Aussie

kids

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start choosing their clothes when they are 3 years old

according to

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BBC News radio. In conclusion, I could concede there are several benefits when

parents

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let their

kids

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do everything on their own. Despite that,

parents

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' encouragement certainly gives more benefits than any other way.

Overall

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, I am convinced that

parents

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must be encouraged to find the correct ways.

enkhbat0923Mon May 06 2024

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Task Achievement

Although your essay demonstrates a clear position and reasoning, try to include a broader range of ideas and examples to fully address the prompts. Expand on the argument by presenting more diverse viewpoints before presenting your own opinion.

Task Achievement

Work on presenting counterarguments more clearly. This will enrich your discussion and provide a more balanced view, strengthening your own argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure your essay maintains clear and logical organization throughout. Use paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas and arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

To improve cohesion, make better use of linking words and phrases. This helps guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion.

Task Achievement

Providing specific examples, like the study from MAC university and the practice among Aussie kids, is a good strategy to support your arguments.

Task Achievement

You've maintained a clear position throughout the essay, which is crucial for task response.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

284 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

encourage
occupied
organized
group activities
benefits
social
teamwork skills
interpersonal skills
friendship
discipline
time management
interests
hobbies
independent play
creativity
problem-solving skills
self-reliance
explore
discover

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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In some countries the government promotes public transport as the primary means of transportation, and discourages private vehicle ownership. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?

Instead of asking the government to bear the cost of higher education, students should pay their own tuition fees themselves. Do you agree or disagree with this statement

Do you agree or this disagree with the following statement: “ Children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school. “ ?

Some people think that movies should only be for entertainment. Others think they should also have educational value. Discuss both views

Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own ideas (in words, pictures, music or film) in whichever way they wish. There should be no government restrictions to what they do.