Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time

Nowadays, there are many different kinds of activities for

children

to spend their leisure time. Some people assert that

children

must attend group activities based on their carers' encouragement if they have free time

whereas

many others argue that the best thing is for

children

to let them learn everything on their own. Personally, I am in favour of the first view. Convincing arguments can be made that all

kids

are the same as white pages nothing is written on them because they try to learn everything very start of the

beginning

Correct word choice

very beginning

show examples

That is

the reason why

parents

have to help find the correct ways for their

children

Moreover

, if nobody cares what a

child

does, there would not be motivation for the

child

For example

parents

' motivation increases when the

child

is going to chooses what kind of profession. There is a 50 per cent chance for the

child

to choose the same profession as their

parents

based on research results from MAC

university

Capitalize word

University

show examples

in 2023.

On the other hand

, the

parents

could not help the

children

for long enough. One day, they will make decisions on their own. If they really do not have enough experience to choose the correct one, the

kids

make mistakes. To prevent doing that, some

parents

start practising when the

kids

are younger.

For instance

, Aussie

kids

start choosing their clothes when they are 3 years old

according to

BBC News radio. In conclusion, I could concede there are several benefits when

parents

let their

kids

do everything on their own. Despite that,

parents

' encouragement certainly gives more benefits than any other way.

Overall

, I am convinced that

parents

must be encouraged to find the correct ways.

Submitted by enkhbat0923 on Mon May 06 2024

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Task Achievement

Although your essay demonstrates a clear position and reasoning, try to include a broader range of ideas and examples to fully address the prompts. Expand on the argument by presenting more diverse viewpoints before presenting your own opinion.

Task Achievement

Work on presenting counterarguments more clearly. This will enrich your discussion and provide a more balanced view, strengthening your own argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure your essay maintains clear and logical organization throughout. Use paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas and arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

To improve cohesion, make better use of linking words and phrases. This helps guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion.

Task Achievement

Providing specific examples, like the study from MAC university and the practice among Aussie kids, is a good strategy to support your arguments.

Task Achievement

You've maintained a clear position throughout the essay, which is crucial for task response.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

284 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

encourage
occupied
organized
group activities
benefits
social
teamwork skills
interpersonal skills
friendship
discipline
time management
interests
hobbies
independent play
creativity
problem-solving skills
self-reliance
explore
discover

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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Surveillance cameras in banks, officers, shops and streets have been very successful in reducing crime in the workplace and in public, but they are also a tool for their users to spy on people private business. What problems do the use of surveillance cameras create? Is there any solution?

People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?

With the development of media online, there is no future for the radio. To what extend do you agree?

Traffic and housing problems could be solved by moving large companies, factories and their employees to the countryside. Do you agree or disagree?

Now a days the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected personal relationships. Has his become a positive or negative development.