IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Solving environmental problems should be the responsibility of an international organization rather than each national government. Do you agree or disagree?

#responsibility #organization #government
There is no doubt that environment-related issues ought to be held responsible for by an international organization
instead
 of individual
countries
. I disagree with
this
 statement for some reasons. There are numerous environmental issues
such
 as climate change, melting glaciers and intensifying greenhouse effect happening on a global scale. As the argument goes, an international organization would act as a leader, issuing principles for all member
countries
 to conform to or it will have sufficient financial capabilities to support the Improvement of the environment. Cited cases are the Kyoto Protocol has contributed to the slowing down of climate change on the earth
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the United Nations' support for Third World
countries
 has helped improve the air quality there.
This
 argument,
however
, fails to take into consideration the fact that compulsion often backfires if an individual nation has no intention to cooperate, or the incentives provided can make recipient
countries
 over-reliant and avoid coming up with innovative ideas to resolve their
country
's environmental situation.
This
 in the long term exerts a negative
overall
 global effect. I side with those who think that each governmental body should take responsibility for addressing domestic environmental problems.
Firstly
,
this
 practice would have a chain effect, benefiting not only the host
country
 but
also
 neighbouring nations.
For instance
, if China diminishes its emissions by downsizing its industrial activities to a certain acceptable level, the air contamination in Hanoi would be reduced
as a consequence
.
Secondly
, the root of a complete resolution of environmental issues comes at the grassroots level, only achieved by the efforts of a
country
's government. If walking or cycling are promoted amongst those with an inclination to use private vehicles,
this
 can help diminish the colossal volumes of exhaust gas, and ameliorate the communal air quality. Or, if people are encouraged to participate in the international Earth Hour when everyone is asked to turn their lights off in sixty minutes, huge amounts of power can be minimized.
Such
 events which are aimed at creating a mindset shift in the public regarding environmental protection and promoting a simple lifestyle can only be conducted by a
country
's government. In conclusion| uprooting environmental problems should be the responsibility of each national government rather than an international organization.
Submitted by hihihahahoho on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear position and relevant supporting points, however, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed and the logical structure should be strengthened for improved coherence.
task response
You have addressed the task and presented clear and comprehensive ideas and examples. However, ensure your introduction and conclusion fully addresses the question and strengthen the logical structure to improve task response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental degradation
  • nation's jurisdiction
  • international collaboration
  • global response
  • coordinated effort
  • enforcing environmental laws
  • sharing best practices
  • innovations and technologies
  • critical resources and knowledge
  • international agreements
  • equitable distribution
  • accountability
  • oversight
  • local context
What to do next:
Look at other essays: