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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it is possible for them to do. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #idea #work
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While
 the retirement age varies in different countries, it is believed by some that the elderly should remain at
work
 if they can continue to do so. I completely agree with
this
 idea as it can bring several positive benefits, provided that older
people
 are mentally and physically qualified.
To begin
 with, elderly
people
 who continue working past retirement age can continue to maintain their mental health and well-being and reduce the pressure on society to support those who can no longer
work
. Many older
people
 who have reached retirement age start to feel lonely when they lack employment and attention or affection from their offspring.
Therefore
, keeping them occupied at
work
 can help to maintain their mental and physical health, preventing them from problems
such
 as loneliness, isolation, and depression.
Additionally
, the government has to subsidize monthly living expenses for retirees, placing a significant economic burden on
a
Correct article usage
the
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 country. If able to support themselves by continuing to
work
, the elderly population would somewhat alleviate the strain on a country's economy.
Furthermore
, businesses would benefit significantly if senior employees continue adding value to their company. One advantage is that older workers can take charge of instructing
newly-hired
Correct your spelling
newly hired
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 employees. Thanks to their wealth of knowledge and experience, they are able to provide insights about
work
 solutions and make more accurate assessments about junior workers.
In addition
, companies can save money allocated to former workers’ pensions and spare the time and effort to train new employees to replace future retirees.
As a result
, businesses can generate more revenue and take advantage of all human resources simultaneously. In conclusion, from my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
show examples
 it is justifiable for older
people
 to stay at
work
 as long as their mental and physical conditions can meet the jobs’ requirements.
Submitted by maianhdt12 on

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task response
Ensure that all examples provided directly support the main points and are relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
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