IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The continued rise of the worlds population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present. What are the causes for this continued rise? do you agree that this continued rise is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

#rise #worlds #population #humanity
The numbers of individuals grow
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, and
this
 will be problematic for future
descedants
Correct your spelling
descendants
. I fully agree that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overpopulation may be a factor for our generation.
This
 essay will
examines
Change the verb form
examine
show examples
causes
Correct article usage
the causes
show examples
 of
rising
Correct article usage
the rising
show examples
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
such
 as
developing
Correct article usage
the developing
show examples
medicine
Change preposition
of medicine
show examples
 and decreasing murders in society;
furthermore
, I give my opinion
why
Change preposition
on why
show examples
 it can be
issue
Correct article usage
an issue
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 us.
The humanity
Correct article usage
Humanity
show examples
 had made superb conditions for living
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Earth.
Firstly
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of deaths in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hospitals
decline
Change the verb form
declines
show examples
 dramatically
due to
 the well medical tools and
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
.
Secondly
, people started to pay attention to their health;
therefore
, it can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
cause
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 be more reproductive
as well as
 stronger than ancestors.
Moreover
, the relationships between the empires
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 more kind which is
reason
Add an article
the reason
a reason
show examples
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 cancelling war.
For instance
, in
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 people had problems with the lack of basic resources for survival,but the industry help to solve
this
 shortage. Natural
resourses
Correct your spelling
resources
 fall significantly
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our planet. In near future, everybody
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to survive;
thus
, the world will face new problems like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal act in
streets
Correct article usage
the streets
show examples
. The area for growing
vegetations
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetation
show examples
 will be more unsuitable
because
Add the preposition
ofbecause
show examples
 the degree of pollution
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
show examples
annual
Change the word
annually
show examples
. Domestic animals which used to feed will be expensive for
typical
Add an article
the typical
a typical
show examples
 crowd, so they may be not enough for everyone.
For example
, in India
Add a comma
,
show examples
the local population do not eat normally
due to
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 prices of meals. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human make all conditions for saving genes. It is evolution law. I believe that our generation can make rules for regulating birth rates
although
 it is not
possible
Correct article usage
a possible
show examples
 thing.
Submitted by xzibitabdu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: