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Band 5

The continued rise of the worlds population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present. What are the causes for this continued rise? do you agree that this continued rise is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

#rise #worlds #population #humanity
The numbers of individuals grow
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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, and
this
 will be problematic for future
descedants
Correct your spelling
descendants
. I fully agree that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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overpopulation may be a factor for our generation.
This
 essay will
examines
Change the verb form
examine
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causes
Correct article usage
the causes
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 of
rising
Correct article usage
the rising
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people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
such
 as
developing
Correct article usage
the developing
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medicine
Change preposition
of medicine
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 and decreasing murders in society;
furthermore
, I give my opinion
why
Change preposition
on why
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 it can be
issue
Correct article usage
an issue
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to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 us.
The humanity
Correct article usage
Humanity
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 had made superb conditions for living
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Earth.
Firstly
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of deaths in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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hospitals
decline
Change the verb form
declines
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 dramatically
due to
 the well medical tools and
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
.
Secondly
, people started to pay attention to their health;
therefore
, it can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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cause
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 be more reproductive
as well as
 stronger than ancestors.
Moreover
, the relationships between the empires
was
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were
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 more kind which is
reason
Add an article
the reason
a reason
show examples
the
Change preposition
for the
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 cancelling war.
For instance
, in
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 people had problems with the lack of basic resources for survival,but the industry help to solve
this
 shortage. Natural
resourses
Correct your spelling
resources
 fall significantly
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our planet. In near future, everybody
want
Change the verb form
wants
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 to survive;
thus
, the world will face new problems like
a
Correct article usage
apply
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criminal act in
streets
Correct article usage
the streets
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. The area for growing
vegetations
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetation
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 will be more unsuitable
because
Add the preposition
ofbecause
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 the degree of pollution
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
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annual
Change the word
annually
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. Domestic animals which used to feed will be expensive for
typical
Add an article
the typical
a typical
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 crowd, so they may be not enough for everyone.
For example
, in India
Add a comma
,
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the local population do not eat normally
due to
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 prices of meals. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human make all conditions for saving genes. It is evolution law. I believe that our generation can make rules for regulating birth rates
although
 it is not
possible
Correct article usage
a possible
show examples
 thing.
Submitted by xzibitabdu on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • mortality rates
  • family planning
  • contraceptives
  • cultural norms
  • religious norms
  • economic benefits
  • resource depletion
  • environmental degradation
  • food scarcity
  • educational opportunities
  • urbanization
  • infrastructure
  • healthcare systems
  • burgeoning populations
  • political instability
  • climate change
  • poverty
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