IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people believe that capital punishment should not be used. Others, however, argue that it should be allowed for the most serious crimes.

#people #punishment #crimes
While
 some people believe that
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
death
penalty
 should be given to those who commit dangerous crimes, others argue that it should be abolished. From my
Correct your spelling
perspective
perpective
Correct your spelling
perspective
, capital punishment is essential as it is the best prevention of
criminals
Firstly
, the primary reason why the
death
 sentence should be allowed in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cases of heinous crime is that it
send
Change the verb form
sends
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 threat to anyone who is about to break the
laws
Fix the agreement mistake
law
show examples
. As in most cases of serious crimes,
criminals
 tend to prepare well
before
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in advance,
therefore
, forcing them to bear in mind the fear of being
slained
Correct your spelling
slain
stained
 may effectively reduce the chance of their
commintments
Correct your spelling
commitments
commitment
.
For example
, in
such
 highly secured regions as Dubai or North Korea,
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
penalty
 plays a very crucial role.
Moreover
, regarding the nature of dangerous
criminals
, it is unlikely that a more humane sentence will result in a change in their personalities.
Otherwise
, releasing those prisoners will even pose a threat to the whole
society
Change preposition
of society
show examples
.
For example
, several prestigious studies have claimed that
such
criminals
 as rapers or murderers show little or even no change in their ways of living and thinking.
Therefore
,
death
Add an article
the death
show examples
penalty
 is very necessary
in
Change the preposition
for
show examples
such
 situations In conclusion,
although
 those who advocate the disappearance of the
death
 sentence may raise the problem of humanity, I strongly believe that heinous crimes should still be treated with
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
 level of
penalty
 to set
example
Add an article
an example
the example
show examples
 for future
criminals
.
Submitted by vietnamalanwalker on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: