IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Smoking tobacco is becoming increasingly popular among young people with potentially serious effects on their health. Explain some reasons for this problem and suggest some possible solution.

#tobacco #people #effects #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Tobacco smoking consumption has been growing immensely among juveniles, which affects their health.
This
Linking Words
 addiction occurs because of getting youngsters together, and it is a kind of hobby for them. To the best of my knowledge, teaching human beings how could they spend life with joy and accustom humans from the day one of their birth is the best way of protection
instead
Linking Words
 of prohibition.
First,
Linking Words
it is beneficial and crucial
to
Change preposition
for to
show examples
 anybody explain
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 living for themselves. A majority of people forget about the purpose of living.
Therefore
Linking Words
, parents' effort is on raising their children for their destination or it is better to express they are hard on their child to follow their dreams, not to treat them for enjoy the road.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that youngsters' focus goes on fantasy. They will use everything for fun.
For instance
Linking Words
, driving a car in the style of a race car in street or pursuing their dreams by hallucination on drags. The best expedient for encountering
this
Linking Words
 challenge
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
depends on two factors. The first one is family which has to be cautious about compulsion and prohibition.
Hence
Linking Words
,
family's
Correct article usage
the family's
show examples
 duty is to make a friendly bond with their kids. The second factor is relevant to society and infrastructure that has prepared adolescents to spend time in a positive way. Cigarette has become a south-after opt of youth.
Although
Linking Words
 it is easy to admonish parents, society has a vast responsibility for it.
As a result
Linking Words
, it is better to show every detail of the universe that we have already learned before they going to tough it by the wrong person.
Submitted by navidghorbani2011 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: