IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is often said that the government spend too much money on the projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problem that are more important. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Many experts believe that the government is exorbitantly allocating money to sustain wildlife,
while
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 others counter-argue that other major issues need to be solved.
Although
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 both views sound rational, I think that more public services-related problems should be addressed and solved. My point of view with appropriate examples will be justified
further
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. On the one hand, it is obvious that wild animals are a precious part of our world and a biological cycle. Some animals,
such
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 as the white tigers that are only found in Bangladesh, are on the verge of extinction. So it is of utmost importance for the state to finance the forestry department.
Moreover
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, if the finance department
would stop
Wrong verb form
stopped
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 funding forest security departments, it
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 be
easy
Replace the word
easier
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 for prayers to kill creatures in the forest, and businesses related to selling skin, bones and teeth
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 be increased. Escalating lucrative profits in
such
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 businesses would lead more and more people to kill and destroy wild animals and their habitats.
Thus
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, financing for building sanctuaries or zoos can help tackle these issues to a large extent.
On the other hand
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, in
this
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 fast-paced and cutting-edge technological world, improving basic public services
such
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 as schools, hospitals, roads, and bus stops is crucial.
Furthermore
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, these common amenities will save people's time as time in commuting will be less. Many under-developing countries, like Pakistan, have inferior conditions roads that
further
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 create huge traffic jams and accidents. If people
have
Wrong verb form
had
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 easy access to hospitals more likely in emergency cases a patient would be saved.
Also
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, nearby schools always refrain students, especially juveniles, out of
fatigue
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fatigued
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caused
Verb problem
apply
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by travelling from and
t
Correct your spelling
to
 school. In conclusion, it can be inferred from the above arguments that even though taking care of forest critters is vital for the world as a whole, investing money in the betterment of the public and their services will be more comfortable.

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task response
Ensure that your essay clearly addresses all parts of the prompt. Make sure to present a clear opinion and support it throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are generally well-organized and linked within and between sentences. Consider using more varied transitions to improve coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Wildlife conservation
  • Biodiversity
  • Ecosystem
  • Human welfare
  • Poverty alleviation
  • Resource allocation
  • Cost-benefit analysis
  • Non-governmental organizations (NGOs)
  • Ecotourism
  • Sustainable development
  • Preservation
  • Endangered species
  • Habitat destruction
  • Climate change
  • Environmental stewardship
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