IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that to lead a successful life, a university degree is important. Others believe that this is no longer true nowadays. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In
this
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 modern world, the issue of whether the existence of
schools
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 is necessary or not has been widely debated. Some people believe that
schools
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 are no longer a must,
due to
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 the prevalence of the
Internet
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 nowadays. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement.
Although
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 being able to acquire information through the
Internet
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, children may be addicted to video games or social media, which both severely distract their studies badly. Some of them even suffer from eye strain and nearsightedness because of the prolonged use of screens without taking breaks properly.
Lastly
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, the majority of students tend to develop a sedentary lifestyle, causing them to risk chronic diseases
such
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 as obesity and hypertension.
In contrast
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,
schools
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 typically have strict policies regarding the use of the
Internet
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 and phones.
Moreover
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, they establish courses requiring students to do outdoor exercises, so the concerns can be easily solved.
Besides
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 learning knowledge,
schools
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 provide other basic educational resources to children in my opinion. First of all, when individuals are involved in group activities or discussions, they will learn about communication skills, teamwork abilities, and time management.
In addition
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, only teachers,
instead
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 of computers, can address students’ learning problems and inspire them to build confidence to face the challenges.
Also
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, children sometimes have questions about their future careers, and suggestions from teachers are much more meaningful than anonymous
Internet
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 uses or AI. In conclusion, even if the
Internet
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 enables people to learn on their own, I believe that
schools
Use synonyms
 still play a crucial role in society and are necessary for providing social experiences and guiding mentors.

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task achievement
Try to add a bit more detail to your examples to make your points clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea to help with flow and understanding.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic.
task achievement
You provided good reasons why schools are important.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • benchmark
  • evolving landscape
  • credential
  • vocational training
  • entrepreneurship
  • digital literacy
  • autodidact
  • innovative approaches
  • skill set
  • networking
  • lifelong learning
  • meritocracy
  • practical experience
  • self-taught
  • upskilling
  • resilience
  • adaptive learning
  • critical thinking
  • soft skills
  • technological advancements
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