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Band 6.5

The graph below shows the average monthly use of health club in Miami and Florida by all full-time members in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club.

The graph below shows the average monthly use of health club in Miami and Florida by all full-time members in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club.
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The given charts provide information on the proportion of male and female full-time
members
Use synonyms
 in Miami and Florida
health
Use synonyms
clubs
Use synonyms
, and their
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 distribution in the year 2017.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is observed that
males
Use synonyms
 have a higher number of
health
Use synonyms
 club users compared to
females
Use synonyms
. When it comes to membership by
age
Use synonyms
, the majority of male
members
Use synonyms
 fall under the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 21-45,
while
Linking Words
 for
females
Use synonyms
, it is the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 65 and above. The lowest membership in
both
Use synonyms
 genders was found in the "other"
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 category. The bar chart reveals a similar pattern in
both
Use synonyms
 sexes, but it is evident that more
males
Use synonyms
 utilized
health
Use synonyms
clubs
Use synonyms
 than
females
Use synonyms
. From January to May,
both
Use synonyms
 genders had a slight but steady increase in the number of
members
Use synonyms
 attending the
health
Use synonyms
clubs
Use synonyms
, with
males
Use synonyms
 rising from roughly 550 to just above 700, and
females
Use synonyms
 from about 500 to just below 600. Between June to September, there was a significant rise in the number of
members
Use synonyms
 attending the
health
Use synonyms
clubs
Use synonyms
, with
males
Use synonyms
 peaking at more than 800 and
females
Use synonyms
 at approximately 700. There was a gradual decline in attendance in the following months, ending at around 600 for men and above 500 for women. The pie charts indicate that 55% of male
members
Use synonyms
 and 50% of female
members
Use synonyms
 fall under the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 21-45. A considerable percentage of elderly female
members
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 noted at 31%,
while
Linking Words
 for elderly male
members
Use synonyms
, it was 25%. One-fifth of the
members
Use synonyms
 in
both
Use synonyms
 genders belonged to the unspecified
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words members, health, clubs, age, group, males, females, both with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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