IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Obesity is now a major epidemic. What can be done to tackle this increasingly common problem?

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In recent times, being overweight is one of the global
epidemic
Change to a plural noun
epidemics
show examples
 which several people face already. There are enough solutions to halt
this
Linking Words
 common trouble.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is a poor food
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
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 that
one
Add a missing verb
are one
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 of
cause
Correct article usage
the cause
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 of it. Currently, inhabitants prefer to be on
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 junk food side, because of the lack of time. Consuming packaged and iced meals daily which are half ready might bring several diseases that rocket science to treat
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because they contain less proportion of vitamins for health. To illustrate, taxes
of
Change preposition
on
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 fast food should be increased.
However
Linking Words
, it should be done vice versa of it when it comes to green products. Grocery stores would be full of
with
Change preposition
apply
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fruits and vegetables because of the less price.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, not being
physical
Change the adjective
physically
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active
Replace the word
activity
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 would be a second obstacle. Inhabitants train less because they do not have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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spare time for it and
Correct article usage
the prise
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prise
Correct your spelling
price
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 of
gym
Add an article
the gym
a gym
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 is so expensive, so
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
can not afford
for
Change preposition
apply
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it. Of course, not to do even warming up activity in the morning might be a disaster which is a reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 being out of
life
Correct article usage
the life
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 circle. Encouraging people to train should be an
undercontrol
Correct your spelling
under control
under-control
 of
coverment
Correct your spelling
government
. There should be some broadcast on TV about how to keep fit and
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 of eating
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fresh products every day.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, because of the expensive gym, provided that
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
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 build specific training places
on
Change preposition
apply
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the near
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
play grounds
Correct your spelling
playgrounds
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, it is a reasonable solution. Parents can find
a
Correct article usage
apply
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time to think of their health when they watch out
their
Change preposition
for their
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 children.
To conclude
Linking Words
, people are able to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
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far away from obesity
through
Change preposition
by
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 eating green products and doing physical activity daily.
However
Linking Words
, providing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health care broadcasts and free open-air training
places
Add a missing verb
is places
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 on the shoulders of authority.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • epidemic
  • balanced diet
  • nutritional labeling
  • public recreational spaces
  • community sports programs
  • food advertising regulations
  • medical professionals
  • workplace wellness programs
  • mental health support
  • sugary drinks tax
  • consumer choices
  • affordable and accessible
  • health organizations
What to do next:
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