In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are spending more and more of their time indoors. What do you think are the causes of this problem? What measures could best be taken to solve it?

Around the globe, minors are starting to spend a lot of their
time
indoors.
this
essay will focus on discussing the causes of
this
problem and trying to provide solutions to it.
Firstly
, the main cause of children’s lack of normal social activity in the modern world is the rapid development of information technology. Computers and smartphones connected to the global internet provide teenagers with unlimited entertainment, with 1000 hours of video content being uploaded to the internet every day.
Also
, there are games, TV shows, streams and various other entertainment
activities
.
This
unexplored world takes a significant portion of a child's free
time
,
while
also
distracting him from engaging in the development of normal social contacts, which results in countless days spent at home near his personal computer. The measures that could be taken to prevent
this
from happening is limiting minors' access to digital technology in their early years, it is doubt that trying to limit something teenagers is counter-productive, but deprivation of a person below puberty from
this
sort of entertainment will protect him from developing a strong emotional dependency on online
activities
.
This
will lead to more rational
time
spent indoors at a computer in his mature life and he will focus on real life
while
still being a child. As an example, the generational divide highlights the importance of
digitally
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a digitally
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free childhood, if we look at the
time
spent online relative to age, we will see striking growth in the millennial generation, the first generation of humans who grew up with digital devices and the internet.
Secondly
, another major issue is social anxiety. Young people nowadays generally have fewer friends
,
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and spend less
time
with them. Minors form little to no connections in their childhood,
this
is
also
a big cause of teens spending that much
time
at home. A solution to resolve
this
problem could be an increase in outdoor
activities
in schools and universities. In order to get people out, there must be a good motivation for them. Schools and colleges should not be afraid of a more modernized approach, like , introducing more sports teams, or taking all schools on summer trips. Anything that will lead to communication between people is welcomed. To give an example, in my parent’s
time
in the Soviet Union there were large trips to the villages, called “kolhoz”. I that villages they were enjoying summertime and helping with local agriculture. There is a lack of
such
activities
in the modern education system. In conclusion, I think it is important to do something about
this
significant issue, if we can collectively apply proposed solutions we might be able to solve
this
problem.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task achievement
You have addressed the task well by discussing the causes and providing possible solutions. However, be sure to provide a balanced discussion for both aspects of the prompt to fully complete the response.
coherence cohesion
To improve clarity and organization, ensure that each paragraph is structured clearly around a single main idea. Use topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to signal the main idea to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Utilize a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs, but be careful not to overuse them. Aim for a natural flow of ideas.
advice
Work on punctuation and sentence structuring. Correct usage of commas and full stops can significantly enhance the readability and professional appearance of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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