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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are spending more and more of their time indoors. What do you think are the causes of this problem? What measures could best be taken to solve it?

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Introduction
In many modern societies, young people are spending an unprecedented proportion of their daily routine remaining inside domestic spaces.
This
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 alarming trend is primarily attributable to the surge in screen-based technology and underlying factors like safety concerns, but effective remedies can alleviate the issue.
Body paragraph 1
The root driver of
this
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 pressing issue is the widespread presence of indoor digital entertainment. The younger generation has continuous access to addictive platforms.
For instance
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, online video games like Fortnite and short-form video apps like TikTok are specifically designed to capture attention and encourage leading a sedentary lifestyle.
Furthermore
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, rapid urban expansion has created a scarcity of safe outdoor spaces, forcing juveniles to remain in enclosed environments. In major metropolitan areas,
for example
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, parents often keep children indoors
due to
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 heavy road traffic, a lack of pedestrian walkways, and heightened worries about crime.
Body paragraph 2
To tackle
this
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 issue, corrective actions must be taken through a combination of parental management and school intervention. Educational institutions should implement policies to limit screen time and mandate outdoor activity,
such
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 as adopting Nordic-style outdoor learning sessions or daily sports clubs.
In addition
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, local governments can take measures by investing in community infrastructure. A viable strategy would be to build secure
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 parks and recreational facilities where adolescents can gather safely. By introducing these remedies on an international scale, societies can mitigate
this
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 problem effectively.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 digital entertainment and
urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
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 have confined young people indoors, enforcing practical limits on screen time alongside building safer public facilities will successfully encourage healthier lifestyles.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question clearly. To make the ideas even stronger, explain more about why screen use keeps young people inside, such as friends being online or games giving daily rewards.
task response
Your solutions are useful and linked to the causes. Add one clear detail about how parents can set screen rules at home, because parents are a key part of this issue.
task response
Your examples are relevant, but some are quite general. Give one more real-life example of a school, park, or family rule to make the points more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, causes, solutions, and ending. Keep this clear plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has a good main idea. You can improve the flow by making the link between the cause and the answer more direct. For example, after discussing unsafe streets, say that safe parks directly help parents let children go out.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as 'Furthermore', 'For instance', and 'In addition'. Do not use too many formal links; sometimes a short, direct sentence will make the writing easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
A few phrases are unclear or too broad, such as 'underlying factors' and 'on an international scale'. Use more direct words and say exactly who should act and where.
task response
You give clear causes: screen-based fun and unsafe or limited outdoor space. These points fit the question well.
task response
You offer practical answers from schools, parents, and local government. The ideas are sensible and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will cover, and the ending brings the main causes and answers together clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Examples such as online games, short videos, outdoor lessons, and local parks help connect your ideas to daily life.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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