IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Leaders and directors in organizations are normally older people. Some people think having a younger leader would be better. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Whether young
people
Use synonyms
 should be the ones that take charge of leading others has been a controversial topic recently.
This
Linking Words
 writer agrees that
leaders
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 should be older generation
due to
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 their experience and relationships. It is vital to understand that older
leaders
Use synonyms
 are experienced.
In other words
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, whilst young
people
Use synonyms
 are newcomers, having spent a long time in their field, older ones have faced myriad difficulties and challenges and acquired deep knowledge
as well as
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 understanding about their industries.
Therefore
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, they can foresee problems and come up with solutions in order to optimize the profit and stay competitive with others. Another point worth considering is the extensive relationship network of older
leaders
Use synonyms
.
That is
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 to say, the longer
people
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 work, the more relationships they have, these connections can facilitate partnerships, attract investment, and open doors that might be less accessible to younger
leaders
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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, their reputations, built over years of service, can lend credibility and stability to the organization.
As a result
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, organizations can achieve success more easily with
such
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 well-connected
leaders
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it is more beneficial when letting aged
people
Use synonyms
 be the head
instead
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 of the younger since they have not only more experience but
also
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 a varied network of relationships.

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task achievement
Consider adding specific examples or situations where older leaders have proven successful due to their experience and well-established network. This would strengthen your argument and provide concrete evidence to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay is mostly clear, there are a few areas where the phrasing could be more precise. For example, instead of 'these connections can facilitate partnerships,' you could say 'these connections can facilitate valuable partnerships.' This would make your point more impactful.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a distinct point, ensuring logical flow and coherence.
task achievement
The essay clearly answers the prompt and provides thoughtful insights into why older leaders may be more beneficial for organizations due to their experience and extensive networks.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • strategic foresight
  • emotional intelligence
  • demographics
  • innovative
  • mentorship
  • collaboration
  • adaptability
  • networking
  • holistic approach
  • intergenerational
  • visionary
  • inspire
  • progressive
  • technological acumen
  • agility
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