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Many believe that the goal of one’s career should be to pursue a passion while others feel it is merely a way to earn a livelihood. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#one’s #career #passion #livelihood
Job goal is
one
 of the important reasons for employees and employers. A majority of people strongly believe that the goal of
one
's career ought to be
perse
Verb problem
to pursue
show examples
 a passion
whereas
 others are of the opinion that it is merely a way to earn a livelihood. I personally hold the view that societies need a good reason to
effort
Verb problem
make
show examples
 better
due to
 better performance and avoiding daily reputation.
To begin
 with, a job goal must have caught employees' spirit to work better.
In other words
,
this
 reason should be meaningful for people in order to encourage them to do it
as well as
 they can.
For example
, Japanese workers, take their job so seriously because they believe they are making the world a better place for the next generation.
moreover
, they know that they are responsible for achieving that goal.
In addition
 to, better performance I do believe a goal of
one
's career eliminates daily reputation. to clarify, workers need
this
 goal to try different paths to achieve it other ways they just
one
 behaviour every day.
For instance
, Iranians who do not have any sense to work just repeat an action every shift for just a little salary.
therefore
, they do not help the company to grow. some may claim that
this
 goal is not vital and that earning a salary is enough reason for society to work
due to
 having better welfare.
however
,
this
 view simply cannot be overlooked
due to
using
Wrong verb form
the use
show examples
 of money to fulfil everyone's dreams.
to conclude
, a large group of people strongly believe that the career target should be to pursue a passion
while
 some are of the opinion that it is a way to earn a livelihood. I firmly believe that there are more important reasons than money
such
 as better performance and avoiding daily reputation.
Submitted by mirhashemim7 on

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task response
Improve task achievement by directly addressing the prompt and providing a balanced discussion of both perspectives.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by structuring the essay with clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Use linking words to connect ideas and provide stronger supporting examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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