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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows information about age, average income per person and population below poverty line in three states in the USA.

The table below shows information about age, average income per person and population below poverty line in three states in the USA.
#information #age #income #person #population #poverty #line #three #states #usa
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The given table illustrates metrics about the population in two different age groups, per capita
income
Use synonyms
, and the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of citizens living below the
poverty
Use synonyms
 line in three states in the United States, namely
California
Use synonyms
,
Utah
Use synonyms
, and
Florida
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Utah
Use synonyms
 has the largest proportion of young people aged under 18, and the smallest rate of senior citizens aged over 60.
Although
Linking Words
, the amount of
percentage
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 below
Use synonyms
poverty
Add an article
the poverty
show examples
 line in
California
Use synonyms
 is higher than
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 others
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 state has the highest average
income
Use synonyms
 per person in
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 comparison objects. People under the age of 18
account
Change to a plural noun
accounts
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 for over a quarter of
Utah
Use synonyms
’s population,
while
Linking Words
 the figures for that in
California
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 and
Florida
Use synonyms
 are much lower, at 17% and 16% respectively. Standing at 23%, the
percentage
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 of senior citizens aged over 60 in
Florida
Use synonyms
 is nearly three times higher than
Use synonyms
Utah
Change preposition
in Utah
show examples
. Meanwhile, the figure for that in
California
Use synonyms
 is 13%. The average
income
Use synonyms
 per person in
Florida
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 is $22,000, which is $1,000 less than the average for those in
California
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty
Use synonyms
 in
Florida
Use synonyms
 and
California
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 12% and 16% respectively. Despite the fact that
Utah
Use synonyms
 has the lowest per capita
income
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 at $17,000,
this
Linking Words
 state witnesses the lowest
poverty
Use synonyms
percentage
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, at only nine
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Submitted by joyce.ta213 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words income, percentage, poverty, california, utah, florida with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • disparities
  • correlate
  • socio-economic factors
  • demographic
  • economic prosperity
  • variance
  • indicators
  • social welfare programs
  • economic development
  • policy-making
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