IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that governments should provide free education for all citizens. Others think that education should not be free and that governments should spend money on other priorities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
There is an ongoing debate about whether governments should provide free
education
Use synonyms
 for all residents. In the following essay, I will discuss both views and give my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that free
education
Use synonyms
 should be provided because it can significantly increase the number of skilled workers in their countries. First of all, when
people
Use synonyms
 have access to free
education
Use synonyms
, they may have more opportunities to learn practical skills and gain useful knowledge.
As a result
Linking Words
, more
people
Use synonyms
 may be willing to obtain qualifications. In the long run, there may be more skilled employees entering the workforce, which can not only reduce the burden on employers but
also
Linking Words
 improve their companies’ performance.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
overall
Linking Words
 level of the economy in a country may gradually rise.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that free
education
Use synonyms
 is not a priority because
government
Use synonyms
 resources are limited. When the
government
Use synonyms
 aims to offer free
education
Use synonyms
 to every citizen, it may require a large amount of funding.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 needs to spend its resources wisely and focus on more urgent issues,
such
Linking Words
 as poverty, healthcare services, and public transportation, especially in remote areas.
Body paragraph 3
From my perspective,
although
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 has become an essential part of modern life, providing free
education
Use synonyms
 is not necessarily a priority.
For instance
Linking Words
, even if low-income
people
Use synonyms
 have access to free
education
Use synonyms
, they may not be able to take advantage of it because they are more concerned about meeting their basic needs,
such
Linking Words
 as having enough food to eat.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that governments should provide free
education
Use synonyms
 because it can create a more skilled workforce,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that
government
Use synonyms
 resources should be spent on more urgent issues. I agree that
people
Use synonyms
 should have access to
education
Use synonyms
, but I disagree that the
government
Use synonyms
 should provide free
education
Use synonyms
 for everyone.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You answer both sides and give your own view. To make your view stronger, explain more clearly why free education for all is less important than help with food, health, and housing.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some need more support. For example, explain how free education can help people get jobs, and explain why other needs must come first.
task response
Add one clear, real-life example. You could describe a poor family where a parent cannot study because they must work and buy food for their children.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one view, the other view, and your view. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas could be smoother. In the first body part, the move from skilled workers to less work for employers is a little fast. Add a short sentence to show how one leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of simple linking words, such as “because of this”, “however”, “for example”, and “in this way”. Do not use “First of all” when there is no second point.
task response
You discuss both views and state your own position clearly in the last two parts.
task response
The ideas about jobs, health, poverty, and transport are relevant to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one clear central idea, so the reader can follow your argument easily.
coherence and cohesion
Your opening and final paragraph clearly show the purpose and main view of the essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: