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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #aim #development #values
Nowadays, many countries have a target to improve their average living rate by increasing their economy.
However
, there are certain characteristics of their culture that have been lost
as a result
 of economic development. In my opinion, the advantages of
this
 statement outweigh the disadvantages;
therefore
,
this
 essay will elaborate on why
that is
.
Firstly
, it is
undeniable
Correct article usage
an undeniable
show examples
 fact that the world goes through a process of intensive ameliorating,
therefore
 we get an upgrade in life level as a great result.
For example
, European countries have good relationships with the main public with high financial statistics
such
 as the USA, Japan and
also
Rephrase
apply
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China.They learn the English language to communicate with other politicians and resources of profits,
whereas
 they use the dollar as the main currency of money on the markets.
Thus
, after they understood that it is a mandatory step to get a better level of the economy, diligence in the community has been enacted.
Besides
, in our time it is important to have great
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
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 to survive in communities with high economies.
In addition
, there are many groups ,which protect the peculiarities between cultures by conducting many cultural celebrities.
For instance
, the group of world-class UNESCO works by protecting and supporting cultures.
Moreover
, they try to help investigate saving literature
,
Correct word choice
and, therefore
show examples
therefore
 the types of civilizations that could stay saved by humanity.
Then
 they give the chance
Fix the infinitive
to
show examples
populations to feel themselves more safety and escape of risks of disappearing.
To conclude
, the economy of countries may have been improved only by ways of globalisation.
Although
this
 action is likely to disappear, there are more benefits than enemies.e benefits than enemies.
Submitted by 29th of april on

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task response
Task Response: The essay attempts to answer the question, but the response is not fully developed. It is important to provide a more comprehensive and balanced analysis of the advantages and disadvantages of economic development.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a generally clear logical structure with some examples and supporting points, but the introduction and conclusion need to be more developed to create a stronger framework for the essay. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices can be improved to enhance the clarity of the argument.
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