IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, many countries have a target to improve their average living rate by increasing their economy.
However
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, there are certain characteristics of their culture that have been lost
as a result
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 of economic development. In my opinion, the advantages of
this
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 statement outweigh the disadvantages;
therefore
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,
this
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 essay will elaborate on why
that is
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.
Firstly
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, it is
undeniable
Correct article usage
an undeniable
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 fact that the world goes through a process of intensive ameliorating,
therefore
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 we get an upgrade in life level as a great result.
For example
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, European countries have good relationships with the main public with high financial statistics
such
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 as the USA, Japan and
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also
Rephrase
apply
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China.They learn the English language to communicate with other politicians and resources of profits,
whereas
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 they use the dollar as the main currency of money on the markets.
Thus
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, after they understood that it is a mandatory step to get a better level of the economy, diligence in the community has been enacted.
Besides
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, in our time it is important to have great
finance
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finances
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 to survive in communities with high economies.
In addition
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, there are many groups ,which protect the peculiarities between cultures by conducting many cultural celebrities.
For instance
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, the group of world-class UNESCO works by protecting and supporting cultures.
Moreover
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, they try to help investigate saving literature
,
Correct word choice
and, therefore
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therefore
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 the types of civilizations that could stay saved by humanity.
Then
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 they give the chance
Fix the infinitive
to
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populations to feel themselves more safety and escape of risks of disappearing.
To conclude
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, the economy of countries may have been improved only by ways of globalisation.
Although
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this
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 action is likely to disappear, there are more benefits than enemies.e benefits than enemies.

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task response
Task Response: The essay attempts to answer the question, but the response is not fully developed. It is important to provide a more comprehensive and balanced analysis of the advantages and disadvantages of economic development.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a generally clear logical structure with some examples and supporting points, but the introduction and conclusion need to be more developed to create a stronger framework for the essay. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices can be improved to enhance the clarity of the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • quality of life
  • infrastructure
  • healthcare
  • education
  • job opportunities
  • unemployment
  • poverty
  • technological advancements
  • innovation
  • traditional cultural values
  • social bonds
  • material wealth
  • consumerism
  • social inequality
  • environmental conservation
  • wealth gap
  • vulnerable groups
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