IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The average standard of people’s health is likely to be lower in the future than it now. What extend do you agree or disagree?

#people’s #health #future
Undoubtedly, one cannot negate the fact that the topic of humans will be less healthy than now has been at the forefront and widely debated
due to
 its ubiquitous impacts. After careful analysis, I opine that in future, the quality of
health
 will bill lower than it is today, it depends on a variety of factors
such
 as regular physical activities, nutritious food and freedom from stress. When it comes to contemplation about it the first point at the zenith of my thinking pyramid is that physical activities are essential for good
health
. Unfortunately, in recent times, technologies have made work easier than past for
people
, and
this
 will indirectly be affected their
health
.
For example
, in the kitchen, there are many appliances which can be used to perform tasks easily without physical stress. It can be lucidly observed that
people
 no longer use stairs or walk they use lifts.
Moreover
, they use cars even for short distances. In offices, they have desk jobs so there is less possibility for them to flex their muscle.
In addition
, after office hours, when they reach home, they prefer to sit in front of a television or computer and consume pre-cooked food.
Therefore
,
people
 will suffer from various
health
 problems like blood pressure, diabetes, cancer and heart disease at a small age. Another reason is that pollution is
also
 affected human life. Air and water both get polluted in the present era and lead to various
health
 problems.
As well as
 humans eating food with a lot of pesticides, their work and lives are highly stressful too. To recapitulate, there is no doubt that the topic has evolved different reactions. After looking at the above points I reassert that
people
 are largely dependent on devices and tools and
therefore
 they are less likely to perform task buy their own and resulting in
health
 problems.
Submitted by patelkrishna331 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: