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Band 6

It is sometimes suggested that primary school children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do you think that the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#school #children #vegetables #animals #outweigh
Some people propose that
children
 at the elementary level should be taught how to grow vegetables and rear animals. I believe that the advantages of
this
 proposal
outstrip
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 its drawbacks. Of course, one might argue that the skills and knowledge learned through
this
 initiative might not be useful for
children
 in the future, especially for those living in cities.
This
 is because they are unlikely to work in agriculture, which
also
 requires fewer and fewer workers
due to
 the adoption of machinery.
However
, primary
children
 can learn to be more responsible and empathetic
for
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 other beings by taking care of them.
For example
, they have to remember to water their flowers on a regular basis and feed their pets.
This
 sense of responsibility and empathy are certainly important for their academic, and emotional
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
 and even their career later on. Opponents of
this
 educational scheme might
also
 claim that learning to grow vegetables and raise animals might be a waste of
children
’s time, which should be used for gaining academic knowledge.
Nevertheless
, I would argue that at a primary level, it is even more important for kids to learn to develop other traits
such
 as responsibility and empathy rather than academic knowledge. There is evidence that
children
 who are responsible and have high EQ are more likely to be successful than those who are simply smart but not emotionally intelligent.
Furthermore
, by tending to their plants and playing with their pets,
children
 learn to work with their hands and become more physically active, benefiting their physical development. In conclusion, there are some concerns about teaching
children
 to grow vegetables and keep animals in terms of the usefulness of
this
 program.
However
, it is my belief that primary school
children
 should be given the opportunity to do these activities given the emotional, physical, academic and even career benefits that these youngsters can reap from
such
 activities.
Submitted by dtnguyen759 on

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task response
Provide more specific examples and details to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph is clearly linked to the main topic and that there is a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repeating the same words or phrases.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure variety and use of complex grammar forms to enhance the quality of writing.

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